“I Can’t Cope With My Spouse's Need For Sex” (Part 2)

Sex is one of the strongest bonds that keep a marriage relationship strong. But what happens when you are not able to meet your spouse’s sex need?

Some couples may have tried several unproductive tactics to improve their spouse’s sexual interest, including arguing once in a while and perhaps threatening separation. Such methods hardly ever work. So what must you do? 

Usually and in some cases, the inability to meet ones spouse’s need for sex is tied to childhood experiences. But holding onto past experiences or trying to resolve childhood issues does not lead to great sex between a husband and wife. In many cases, it actually worsens the condition.

1.         Work on Your Relationship

One of the greatest sexual inhibitors is a bad relationship. If you not getting along very well with your spouse, your primary concern should be to resolve your marital conflicts by taking each other's feeling into account. 

Even having more or better sex will not help resolve a bad relationship. When a couple has a bad relationship, I do not begin by encouraging more sex.

Fix the relationship first, and 90% of the cases, sexual problems disappear, with or without unresolved childhood experiences.

2.         Show More of Affection

The level of affection also affects the quality of sexual satisfaction among couples. But is affection the same as sex? No!

Affection is the expression of love with hugs, kisses, cards, flowers, gifts and with words such as "I love you!" Affection is not only expressed in marriage, it is also expressed to your children, your parents and, sometimes, your pets. It is our way of telling people that we care for them and that we will be there for them when they need us. 

Men and women need affection. Indeed, everyone wants to know they are loved. But women seem to need affection - the expression of love, more often than men. That is why men usually don't show it as often as women need. 

But to have a great sex life, even if you are a macho man, you can learn to do and show it as often your spouse wants you to. 

Remember that sex is a completely different need than affection. While it also should be met in marriage, sex and affection should not be confused. 

A lot of people (especially men) who do not have much of a need for affection tend to use affection as an opportunity for sex. They show affection only when they make love, but rarely at other times. This obviously causes their spouse to react with resentment. 

Your spouse will feel used when you are affectionate only when you want sex. When a person feels like a sex toy, he/she would never give the best they can.

Affection should not be reserved only for moments of sex. Yes, you may also be affectionate when you make love, but sex should be a special occurrence in an environment of affection.