Understanding Why You Can't Find Your Self-Worth in Someone Else

Self-worth, self-esteem, a sense of self, etc. are all terms used to describe a feeling that is very hard to put a finger on. Some people call it confidence, others call it courage and many call it independence.

If you truly looked at it, what it all really boils down to is how much you love yourself. When growing up, it was common to judge yourself based on your grades, the number of friends you have, and so on.

As we get older, we still play the same ‘game’ in our mind. Only this time we compare wages, cars, houses and how good looking our partner or spouse is. We constantly measure our self-worth by comparing ourselves with someone else.

This is a HUGE mistake and it’s one of the reasons why so many people are dissatisfied, stressed out and never truly happy. Even when they progress, instead of being happy that they achieved a goal, after a short while they look at someone else who seems better off than them and they feel dissatisfied again.

This applies to relationships too. Men who are married for years suddenly feel old and crave the attention of a younger woman. They may cheat on their spouse or they may lose interest in life.

Their self-worth is tied to another human being or an idea of how life should be. Looking at ‘Casanovas’ who have numerous affairs makes them feel like a failure. Instead of appreciating their own life and partner, they crave for more.

If one gives in to these temptations, the consequences can be disastrous. Marriages can end in divorce. Finances can be sent into turmoil… and when one looks back on it all, they will feel hollow and realize that it was all for nothing. So many people look back in regret and have no idea why they did what they did.

They fail to realize that their self-worth was intertwined with external results, appearances and lofty goals. As long as your self-worth is linked to achievements and an impressive ‘image’, you will be on an emotional rollercoaster.

Life is full of ups and downs. What truly stands the test of time is knowing who you are despite your current position in life. There have been millionaires who have felt like they were at the top of the world, and all of a sudden, a financial crisis causes them to lose everything and they feel worthless.

Yet, they’re the same person. Your money and position in life do not determine your value. The man or lady who is a millionaire has the same amount of self-worth when they are broke and homeless. Who you are doesn’t change. Only circumstances have changed… and guess what?

You can always change them and make them better.

If you’re in a relationship and you’re looking to your partner to constantly assure you of your self-worth, this will be very stressful for them. Your “stores” will always get depleted and you’ll expect your partner to constantly replenish them make you feel good.

However, they have their own lives and needs too. They may need you to be supportive of them and motivate them too. So, how will you do that if your self-worth is running on empty and you’re depressed yourself?

Spend time deep in thought. Self-reflect often. Write down your achievements and goals. Appreciate how far you’ve come. Work on loving the person in the mirror who has weathered many storms and is still standing tall.

When you love yourself and respect yourself, you will feel better and be able to stay strong no matter what life throws at you. Your relationships will be better because you’ll stop expecting your partner to constantly like you. You will like yourself.

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do You Really Want Your Ex Back or Do You Fear Being Alone?

A relationship break-up is one of the most painful experiences in life to most people. It could either be a couple that breaks up after a few years or a marriage that ends in divorce. Either way, it feels like your heart has been ripped out and left in shreds.

Generally, there’s one party that feels worse than the other. The one who initiates the break up tends to be less hurt because they knew it was coming and made the final decision.

It’s the one getting dumped or divorced who feels the real impact. Not only does the entire relationship feel like a failure but it’s a huge blow to their ego too.

There are two ways to react when you’re thrust in such a situation. You can either accept the break up and move on, or try to work things out with your ex.

The problem here is that the one who got ditched is in a more vulnerable position. Their pain may make them do desperate things like texting their exes multiple times daily or begging for a second chance or resorting to other dramatic displays of desperation while hoping to tug at the heartstrings of the one who left them.

The unfortunate reality is that the more one pleads and begs, the more their ex shuns them. There is a power play at work here and understanding it is of paramount importance.

Never forget that you are a human being who is worthy of love and respect. Do not let your fear of being alone confuse you and make you think that you really want your ex back. All relationships are destined to go through hell, but the really strong ones get through it.

If you’ve been abandoned, it’s usually better to move on and find someone who will love you for who you are. Begging, pleading and cajoling your ex is pointless. A relationship is worth fighting for, but you shouldn’t be the only one doing the fighting.

Find your sense of self and appreciate yourself for who you are. Find new activities to take up your time. Time is your best ally. All pain dissipates with time. You just need to allow yourself the time to recover from the break up.

Forcing a relationship to work is pointless if your ex is not someone that can give you what you want. It’s fine to have a few bad relationships. These will teach you to recognize the good ones when they arrive.

Don’t fear dying single. This is a common fear that millions have. They worry about going through life all alone without a partner to share life with. They then end up hastily picking the wrong people as their partner and life becomes a living hell.

It’s better to let your ex go and understand that the relationship had to happen but it’s now time to move on. At the end of the day, you don’t need someone to complete you. You just need someone to love you completely… and you will find the right partner with time. Have faith.

 

 

Why Do Some People Seem to Have No 'Luck' in Finding Love?

You’ve probably seen or know someone who is constantly in and out of relationships. Every new partner that they choose turns out to be another ‘playa’ or ‘scumbag’ or ‘crazy woman’.

Despite their numerous relationships, one would expect them to do better and choose a better partner - but that’s never the case. Every new lover turns out to become just like the previous one. Maybe worse!

People in these situations even have a laugh and say that they’re a magnet that attracts all the wrong partners. But is this really the case?

Do they really have a case of no luck or bad luck? Or is there a root cause for all this confusion and disappointment.

Common sense will indicate that it can’t be a coincidence that these people keep choosing the wrong partners. There is another factor at play here – your sense of self-worth.

A common mistake made by many people is to choose Mr. Right Now, instead of waiting for Mr. Right. The whole idea of taking one’s time to carefully select a partner has become outdated.

The general idea is that no one is perfect so it’s just best to grab what is closest to you. The end result is you pick someone that’s easily available only to discover that they’re totally not right for you.

If you have a good sense of self-worth, you’ll be confident in your ability to find a good partner even if it takes you time. You’ll be less likely to tolerate abuse or nonsense from a partner too.

Many women endure partners who completely neglect them. The relationship is long dead, but they cling on to it hoping that it will work. Rarely do the relationships work, and the woman finally quits and feels bitter that she wasted so much time clinging to a husk of a relationship.

After that failed relationship, she mopes for a bit and jumps back into the dating scene and once again picks a man that is not right for her.

The same applies to men too. They want a woman who is faithful and someone level-headed, but they find a lady at the bar who is dressed in revealing clothing and acts wild.

She excites them and is merely ‘misunderstood’… and the knights in shining armor decide to try to make a “good woman” out of her. Rarely does that work out and to their horror, the princess they picked turns out to be a harlot. So, they end up cursing their bad luck when the relationship collapses and run for the hills.

You must spend time deciding what you want in a partner. If you’re a woman who is looking for someone emotionally and financially stable, don’t pick an out-of-work actor who is 5 years younger than you just because he has a set of washboard abs.

Once you get involved and try to “make it work”, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Either he never becomes the next Tom Cruise and ends up living off you, or he loses interest and goes off to find a younger woman. There may be a positive ending… but the odds are rarely in your favor.

This is the hard truth and so many people don’t wish to believe it. They hope for the candlelit dinners and happily ever afters… which never come. What happens is they move from one relationship to the next and the next… and keep losing their faith and hope of things ever working out.

Know what you want and choose your partner wisely. Spend time getting to know and love yourself. Once you can do that you will find a partner who is most suitable for you and you’ll no longer be unlucky in love.

 

 

Are You Attracting the Partner You Deserve?

 We live in a world where there are more divorces than successful marriages, more break ups than happy relationships and more unhappy singles than joyful couples. We’ve traded intimacy and sharing with one partner for quickies and superficial exchanges with multiple partners.

Sites like Tinder encourage quick meetups and people choose whom to go out with based on a small blurb on a website. Is it then any wonder that so many people have bitter and unfulfilled relationships?

The truth of the matter is that you must know your own self-worth before choosing a partner. This applies in two ways. Firstly, you need to understand that you are worthy of a partner who will treat you right.

There are millions of women in abusive relationships, but they stay on because of the occasional tidbit of love and attention that is thrown their way by their partner. They cling on to these little gestures while ignoring the fact that they are subjected to either emotional or physical abuse constantly.

It all comes down to how you view yourself. What is your self-worth?

If you feel like you’re unworthy of love, you’ll be grateful for any little bit of love or kindness that is shown your way. Having a partner (even if he or she is an abusive one) will seem better than having no partner at all.

Your sense of self needs to be better. You MUST understand that you deserve better and can get better. So many women feel trapped in a relationship and don’t leave because they fear being alone or not being able to get better.

What they don’t realize is that they can never find better unless they leave the current toxic relationship they’re in. You can only sail to new lands if you’re willing to lose sight of the shore.

Make a list of all the qualities you want to see in your potential partner. Know what you want and tell yourself that you deserve to be treated well. You do not have to be in a relationship when you’re constantly unhappy.

On the flip side, one also needs to be realistic when looking for a mate. There are thousands of women who post on their profiles a list of criteria that their partner should meet.

He needs to be over six feet, have good credit, have a muscular body and a great job and look better than a movie star. Yet, if you looked at the women’s profile, she is probably a single mother with two kids and on welfare.

Her demands are high, but she brings nothing to the table. In most cases, she will not find a partner who gives her the time of day and she will rue her fate and blame it on bad luck.

The key to getting the partner you deserve is to also be someone who is deserving of a good partner. Improve on yourself and strive to be the best possible you that you can be.

Once you do that, you’ll develop a healthy self esteem and be much more likely to attract partners who are on the same wavelength as you.

“Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90% of all your happiness or misery.” – H. Jackson Brown