How To Respond To A Critical Spouse

A lot of couples find it hard to sit down together to have a reasonable conversation without ending up being overtly critical or quarrelling.

Some spouses cannot speak with their partners without raising the tone of their voice. Their eyes get filled with fire because they can’t stand the prodding of their partners.

But as a married person, it is important for you to understand when these mood switches actually begins. Usually when such couples are in conversation, something triggers the fight or negative talk. Every couple has got to understand when and why that swing takes place.

There is a moment in time when you stop listening and become reactive. It is that moment when you stop being in the conversation and switch to ‘fight mode.’  

When people or couples talk, they usually throw up two different kinds of listening modes: 

• The Friendship Mode: Here the feeling is one of calmness, compassion, and loving. The conversation is clear, concise and partners are willing to make compromises. They are willing to be influenced by their partners, to be touched by the feelings of their heart. This builds deep connection. 

• The Judgmental Mode: Here couples become argumentative, defensive, harsh, accusatory, and insists on maintaining their own position. Their point must be accepted as though it is a competition. Sadly, the other partner notices this change and is sure to respond negatively.

So when your spouse is really critical or even abusive and attack you, what can you do? How can you stay friendly when he or she becomes judgmental?

Here’s what to do:

1.         Be attentive to what your spouse is really saying:

Listening is the best way to begin a conversation. Even if your spouse may not be speaking in a soft way as you expect, listen to what he/she is saying. Listen to know the core or crux of their message.

If you begin a conversation from with anger, you are bound to hit a brick wall. So, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

2.         Calmly ask your spouse to slow down and speak in a softer tone:

If your spouse’s tone or accusations cause you to change your mode and attitude, gently ask them to be careful and tone down how they speak and what they say.

It is healthier to nip the problem in the bud than let it blow you and your home apart.

3.         Always step aside or step back:

When a conversation becomes heated or accusatory always retreat. This is not a sign of weakness but wisdom.

Always step back when you notice an argument is brewing. It’s not wise to engage a person on fire in altercations. Nothing good will come from it.

Instead, step back or aside. Let your partner know you are willing to talk about issues when you feel safe and cared for.

It is your responsibility to know when to step aside or step back. This call for mastering your emotions to ensure you remain calm, clear and kindhearted in your conversations

4.         Seek Godly counsel:

A lot of issues we face in life cannot be handled by ourselves. We need others because we simply cannot see or understand some things. Rather than deny we have a problem in our home, especially when it affects your mood, let’s call for trusted help. Yes, trusted godly counselors.

And remember, the process of making your spouse or marriage become less abrasive and critical is a continuous one. Don’t stop until you have achieved the results you are looking for. 

 www.marriagealivedigest.blogspot.com

Secrets Of Keeping To The Family Budget

In today’s world, wherever you are, whoever you are, the cost of living is getting higher and many families are been compelled to cut spending. Budgeting has suddenly become a priority for families. As bills and inflation rises everyday, nothing is more important than knowing how to wisely spend the meager income that you get.

Financial problems usually arise due to lack of proper budgeting skills, or failure to keep to the proposed budget.  No matter how much income you may have, it is still important to keep track of your assets and liabilities, your earnings and expenses.

It is not strange for a person who earns several thousands to have the same problems with the person who earns barely a few thousands. The common reason is that, different kinds of people, with diverse income levels, have budgeting problems. Some, who may have been successful in making a budget, usually fail to keep within such a budget.

A budget refers to a financial plan, taking the incoming and outgoing monetary resources into consideration.  A good budget should not only mean a balance or equity between income and expenditures.  It also means lesser expenses, and making an allowance for savings.

If you earn fifty thousand naira per month, you should map out all the necessary expenses you and your family will incur during the month such as payment for your house, food and transportation. Of course, this is presuming that your tax liabilities have already been settled.  What remains after you deduct your total expenses from your income is your savings.

What you do with your savings will make a difference later on, when the need arises.  You can choose to keep your savings in a piggy bank or place it in a bank where there is minimum interest rate but at least your money is safe from you and from intruders.  With a bigger savings, you can get the services of a financial adviser who can give you higher-yielding investment options

Here are tips to make sure that you keep within the family budget:

1.         Maintain a logbook where you can list your income and expense account on a weekly or monthly schedule. 

2.         Buy your groceries or food stuff at one time.  To do this, make a list of all the things that you would need for your target period and purchase them at one time.  Sometimes, there are discounts if you buy by the dozen so take advantage of this.

3.         Avoid going to the supermarket and shops if you do not need to buy necessary items. This will control impulse buying and keep you from making unnecessary purchases and keep you from straying away from your budget.

4.         Think twice before you buy something.  By doing this, you will realize that it is not really a necessity but a whim. It is not everything your spouse of kids demand for that must be bought if it is not a need or timely.

What’s The Big Deal About Family Budget?

 

In times like this when cash is relatively hard to come by and bills are mounting everyday, talking about a family budget may seem unthinkable for many couples. It is equally frustrating to see how hard it is to do a budget and realizing that with one wrong purchase, you can actually ruin the entire thing. And this has been a constant problem for most marriages.

But is budgeting really necessary? Indeed, a little planning can actually be a great way to keep track of your family's expenditures and help you evaluate the things that you spend the lion's share of the family's earnings on.

A budget is simply a way of handling your finances by controlling the family's expenditures in a way that money is enough for paying up bills, and still ensuring that savings are set aside for future expenses - vacations, or children's education, or even for retirement.

Here are uncomplicated steps in preparing a simple family budget, and see the benefits of intelligent spending.

1.         Gather three months of your pay remnant and get your average monthly earnings.

2.         Get out three months of your monthly bills. Do this for the fixed expenses like the rent, utility or phone bill, car payments and other loans that come monthly. Add them up and get the average. Do the same for other expenses like groceries, and every day bills.

3.         Evaluate the results of your computations.  Looking at your average monthly earnings against your monthly fixed expenses and other monthly expenses, think of some ways to economize.  Cut back on some items that are somehow unnecessary.

4.         Knowing the facts of your income and expenses, develop a family budget and try to stick to this monthly budget.

5.         Now that you have a monthly budget, set up a savings account.  Save up by making regular deposits to this account.

6.         Keep track of this monthly family budget just to see if it is working for you.  Try to fine-tune the "rough edges" of this budget as you go along.

7.         If you can get hold of a personal budgeting software or spreadsheet application to keep record of your budget, the better.  This will make organizing your expenses very easy.

These are the basic steps in developing and implementing a no fret, easy to stick to monthly family budget. Of course each family has diverse needs and wants.  You have the freedom to develop your own monthly family budget, depending on your family’s financial background and needs.

No matter how you do it, just focus on the end result, which is building a savings that leads to a bright and financially stable future for your family.

Summer School Safety Tips For Your Kids

The long holidays are here and summer schools are springing up everywhere. But when many parents send their children out to attend these summer classes and other after-school programs, they take it for granted that their kids are safe.

However, the number of children participating in these summer schools and after-school activities has increased. It is therefore crucial to consider safety issues before you send your kids out.

Children are vulnerable when they are outside their normal school classes or environment. While going or returning, they should know the safest route to take. Since it is not the regular school session, many kids hang out with their friends just after these classes.

·        Find out 'danger zones' from your neighbors and make the children aware of these.

A lot of negative peer influences which kids pick during regular school seasons which they find it hard to express are experimented during this summer school times. Children in their formative ages and teens could be lured to try out smoking, smooching, and other vices they may have fantasized all year long.

Children should also be taught how to handle emergencies. It is better to discuss various scenarios with your kids. Tell him/her what to do in case the class is suddenly cancelled.

·        Let them strictly know who is permitted to pick them up if you are held up.

·        Let them know where the first-aid kit at home is and make sure they know who to call in an emergency.

Important phone numbers or contact information should be posted in a place that is easily accessible to the kids. If a child will be alone at home, discuss a few unexpected things with him.

It is also good to relay on your neighbors and friends when need arises. But warn your kids well ahead of what is allowed or not when they are in company of neighbours, friends and other family members.

·        A lot of child abuse cases occur when kids are with people they consider “friendly”.

In this days of telecom advancement, make it easy for you to call and check on your child by phone. A restricted dial in/out phone could do here.

And when they go or return, tell them to always be in a group. Even visiting toilets all alone or going home via isolated streets must be avoided.