No relationship is perfect. The people we live with are
imperfect human beings. They have faults. They make mistakes. They let us down
on occasion.
Because we live so closely with other human beings, it becomes
very easy to look at their faults through a magnifying glass. I
Without realizing it, we move from believing the best about our
spouse, our children, our relatives, or our friends to believing the worst
about them. With their faults maximized and their strengths minimized, we
slowly close off our heart to them. Before we know it, a relational wall has
been erected by our skewed perspective and unrealistic expectations (that they
won’t make mistakes, that they should have made a different decision, etc).
That relational wall begins a process of separation in our heart
and mind. It divides our loyalties and moves us away from the relationship
rather than towards the relationship that means so much to us.
It’s not the big things that kill relationships. It’s often the
little things that accumulate over time. Looking at faults through a magnifying
glass is a little thing that can do damage over the long haul unless we do
something about it.
Here are six ways to see others in a more
balanced way:
1) Move the magnifying glass:
Move your focus from what they do wrong to what they do right.
If you’re finding yourself critical of or angry or disgusted with your spouse,
you’ve likely had tunnel vision on their imperfections. Sit down and make a
list of their strengths and what they contribute positively to the
relationship.
2) Stay focused on what you love:
What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bothers you,
all you will see are the things that tick you off. Keep your eyes on what you
love so you fill your heart with love.
3) Resist the temptation:
The enemy is cunning and will do his best to get your emotions
tangled up and engaged. Once your emotions are engaged it becomes easier to see
your spouse, your challenging child, your sister-in-law, or your friend as an
enemy.
This is the first step of dividing and destroying. Don’t take
the bait!
4) Believe the best about your loved one:
Resist the urge to make their mistake a personal offense towards
you. Beware of statements you might make to yourself like, “If he really
loved me he wouldn’t have done that,” or “She did that just to tick me off.”
These kinds of statements are fertilizer to negative emotions.
5) Get perspective:
Are you making a mountain out of a molehill? In the big scheme
of things, is this really a big deal? When you measure this imperfection,
mistake, or disappointment against all the good things about the person, you’ll
quickly see that this situation isn’t worth the energy you’re giving it.
You need spiritual perspective as well. Remind yourself who the
real enemy is (Satan) and what his agenda is (to divide and destroy). Don’t let
yourself get sucked into his distraction and deception.
6) Learn to move forward:
Sometimes we need to give grace, forgive, and let it go.
Sometimes we need to have a conversation with the person, but only after our
emotions have calmed down. And sometimes we need to realize that our own pride
or insecurity is the bigger issue here and its helpful to move the magnifying
glass from our loved one to ourselves for a few convicting minutes.
Don’t let it sit there for too long or you’ll move from
conviction to condemnation in no time.
Magnifying glasses helps people to see things more clearly at
times. Magnifying glasses in relationships can do the same. But it all depends on what you’re looking at.
What about you? Where have you had your relational magnifying
glass pointed at the wrong things? What are you making bigger than it needs to
be?
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