The advent of internet, especially the entrance of GSM mobile technology has enhanced the well being of Nigerians. But there is now a low-side especially with the emergence of several social networks and the use of smart phones.
Though
smart phones account for only about 15% of the mobile telephone market in Nigeria, it has
held many people spellbound. Hardly would you find some people without their
Blackberry and other brands including Nokia and Techno. But what do people
really do with these phones one may ask; especially when it seems some of these
devices are smarter than their owners. They do not only kill people’s pockets,
they now kill marriages too.
A few
years back, many of our women at offices, especially government offices lazy
about watching home videos. But lately, they are “facing” their phones
socializing on Facebook, Twoo, Eskimi, Google+ and other social networks even
at office hours.
Many
people hook onto people they really do not know and build online relationships
that are usually unknown to their spouses. And this certainly have effects on
marriages and relationships. Though such online “friends” may not meet
physically, does it still not amount to infidelity?
Our
correspondent chatted with some married women on facebook and some of them were
very willing to date a man if the environment is right and safe. Some of such
women are even ready to date younger fellows. According to one who pleaded
anonymity, ‘I don’t mind to date someone I am older than, if there is money!”
However,
for some, it is not only about money, but attention. A lot of women are neglected
by their spouses and they turn to the social network to keep relationship with
someone would tell them sweet and encouraging words. For some, they just want
you to compliment their photos and tell them “you are beautiful!”
The men
are not left out. Yes, some married men spend huge sums of money buying and
sending recharge cards to ladies in attempt to woo them online, yet they may never
get to meet these ladies physically. And some young ladies capitalize on this
to milk such gullible men.
An Abuja based engineer (name withheld) narrated how his
adventure on facebook took him to Port
Harcourt, over800 kilometres away to seek a friend he
met online.
According
to him, “She asked me to send money for air ticket from Port
Harcourt to Abuja
so we could meet for a weekend and spend time together. I transferred N20,000
to her, but I didn’t hear from her again for two days only for her to send an
SMS with another number to tell me she lost her android phone and couldn’t come
online.
She then
asked me to send N18,000 for her to buy a Techno smart phone so we could keep
into touch as she travels to Abuja.
I was actually going to send the money that morning when I met a friend going
to Port Harcourt
and he suggested we take a quick dash together as he was also on an escapade.
“By
Nightfall we were in Port Harcourt.
I sent several SMS to her line and the one she used to reach me the previous
day but none was delivered as the lines were dead. In the morning I traced my
supposed online friend to her address only to find it was nursery school
premises. When she eventually switched on her phone around noon time, the
message went and I quickly put a call through with another line. When she heard
I was actually in front of her fake address, she laughed and cut the line. For
the past seven months, she has not used her facebook account and she switched
lines”
It was
indeed a bitter lesson for this man. The money and time he would have spent on
his wife and family, he wasted on a fake friend online. But did he truly learn?
Did he admit that what he was doing was infidelity?
As for
Lola (not her real name), a female banker, her husband has successfully shut
her out of his activities online. She suspects him of cheating, but has no
proof.
According
to her, “My husband does not allow me to access his facebook account. Even his
photos are restricted. I can’t view them from my own facebook. I expect that as
his wife, I should be able to relate with him on line too. And it is a taboo to
touch his phone for any reason. He always claims it is for security reasons”.
In another
case, it was a harrowing experience for Chinedu when he discovered that his
wife who had always been denying him of sex was flirting with a man online. He
found out right in his own bed.
He said,
“We were asleep, and as usual she slept on the other side of the bed away from
me. If she’s not tired, it’s toothache or back pain or something else. But to
my surprise, I woke up around 2:30am and discovered her android phone has
slipped to the flow but the earpiece was on her ear and it was blinking. I quietly picked the phone and opened it, only
to find romantic messages on facebook exchanged between my wife and a young man
who was apparently awake not knowing his sugar-honey had fallen asleep.
I
pretended to be my wife and responded to the messages and more kept coming with
big revelations. I engaged him till 3:20am”.
She was in
bed with her husband, yet she was ‘romancing’ another man online. If you were
Chinedu, what would you do to your spouse? What do you think would happen to
the marriage? Well, your guess is as good as mine!
Is
spending time and intimate feelings with someone other than your spouse not cheating?
Though parties involved in these relationships may be far apart and do not necessarily
meet physically, they are having an emotional affair, which itself is
infidelity. Indeed, there is only a thin line between a physical affair and an
emotional one.
Barely two
months ago, facebook faced the home of a certain Mr. Akpan and his wife Bridget.
Akpan is a driver in a food drink company and works on shift. The wife sells provision
in front of their house. Whenever he was off duty, Akpan’s major preoccupation
was the phone the company bought for him to monitor his whereabouts.
According
to Bridget, “Everyday he will lie on the chair as if he is romancing the phone.
He will not talk with you or come near you until it is time he gets ready for
work. He is always browsing”.
Akpan was
scheduled to resume work in the afternoon that fateful day but facebook visited
his home and trouble erupted.
According to Bridget, his wife, “When I
came back after 30mins from the shop to check him, my husband who was troubling
and abusing me over food was still pressing his phone on the chair. Out of
annoyance, I grabbed the phone from him and took it to the dining table where I
left his food since. To my surprise, he rushed after me as if it was more than
a phone. I put the phone in the money purse tied around my waist. He came to
the table and threw away the food with the plates.
"Before I
knew it, my own husband has slapped me several times and I fell on the chair.
He started to drag the purse from my waist and kicked and beat me. My husband
is harsh, but he has never beaten me. It was as if a spirit entered him.
"Though he
succeeded in taking the phone, he kept beating me. I had to run to the kitchen
to escape through the back door but it was locked and he came after me. By this
time, neighbours have entered our parlour and were begging him to stop but he
refused and he pursued me to the kitchen. To scare him and make him stop, I
picked a wooden pestle from the sink and threatened to hit him if he comes near
me.
Though I
was bleeding from my mouth, he didn’t stop. As he rushed towards me, I didn’t
know when I hit him in the head and he collapsed with blood everywhere. Thank
God neighbours were there begging him before I hit him, people would have said
I deliberately planned to kill him.”
Akpan did
not die. He survived the concussion. But as at press time, he is still nursing
his head wound and trying to mend his marriage. Bridge did move from her
matrimonial home but returned after their families intervened.
But what
was Akpan doing on the phone that fateful day? A neighbour who picked his phone
when he was rushed to the hospital confirmed to our correspondent that he was chatting with female friend.
But sadly,
Bridget who does not know what facebook is or how to browse will never know the
truth why her once loving husband could beat her.
To be continued in part 2
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