ARE YOU LIVING IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE? The Effects of Placidity & Rigidity on Sex in Marriage – Part 3

 Common Causes & Solution for a Sexless Marriage:

1.         Too Busy For Sex:

Working, paying the bills, household chores and parenting responsibilities can wear both spouses down. These are the most common reasons one or both spouses spend less time thinking about and engaging in sex.

Solution:

•           Make time for rest and relaxation.

•           Understand that if there is no intimate bond between you and your spouse, all that hard work is for nothing.                                                                  

In today’s society, we work very hard at maintaining our lifestyle but so readily put off working on maintaining our relationships. In the end the lifestyle you are working so hard to maintain means nothing if you lose the relationship.

2.         Lack of Communication:

A lot of couples don’t talk about sex. Some are just too spiritual to mention the word sex. It is as if we believe sex is an action you take but not a subject you discuss.

Solution:

a.         It is healthy to let your spouse know what you do and don’t like when it comes to the sex act.

b.         It is also healthy to let your partner know if you are less than satisfied with your sexual relationship. More sex talk can lead to more sex in the marriage!

3.         Depression:

Lack of sex or lost sex drive can be caused by depression. There are many reasons why your spouse may feel depressed.

Solution:

a.         If your spouse is dealing with depression let him/her know that you are there to support them and will work through the depression with them.

b.         Insist that a professional treat the depression.

c.         Offer your support but make it clear that you will not accept your spouse ignoring their condition and not seeking help.

4.         Childhood Sexual Abuse:

 In many cases, people who had been sexually molested early in life tend to develop a distorted view of sex and intimacy. Neither is safe ground and until they deal with the molestation suffered as a child, their marriages and spouse will suffer.

Solution:

If you are in such a situation, it is important to understand that your spouse needs your support. If he/she refuses to acknowledge and deal with the problem, you have a choice to make. Either learn to live with the lack of sex in your marriage or seek help from trusted cousellors.

5.         Lack of attraction for one’s spouse:

It would hurt to hear your spouse say they do not find you attractive. Again, I want to stress that this is not something you should internalize. Just because your spouse does not find you attractive does not mean you are not attractive.

Solution:

The chemistry we feel for our spouse can fade and flow. It is not unusual in a marriage to go through periods where we feel a lack of desire for our spouse. What you have to do when faced with this issue is determine if there is still love present.

•           If your spouse loves you but is going through a phase and not feeling that old spark I suggest you work at rekindling the spark.

•           Work together as a couple at bringing back a little romance and connecting both emotionally and physically.