When a
spouse is no longer excited about love making then there is a problem. This
leads to other untoward behaviours and attitude at home.
According
to Mrs. Temitope Oludare Edun, “If the behaviour of a sex partner in marriage
is not often appreciated or accepted, it would lead to disagreement and
disaffection. Sex must be tenderly presented to the spouse, especially the
woman. And the woman must show willingness on her part. They should seek out
varieties of sex positions and methods and make the experience enjoyable”.
Placidity
and rigidity or being sexless is very common among people who engage in
stressful work, which drags for long hours and leaves them tired. But it may also be attributed to character
problem.
Some
women find it hard to submit to their husbands, especially if he is unable to meet
the economic needs of the home. It is even worse if marital sex is denied on
this ground. It denigrates the institution and kills the personality of the man
and may affect his commitment to the home.
To Ola
Aiyeleso, a resident pastor in Akure,
Nigeria, “Many
problems in marriage resulting from sex issues are caused because couples
refuse to respect the marriage institution. Sex is a vital part of marriage.
How can we produce children without it? God have perfected sex and packaged it
to be lovely and beautiful. We mess it up when we refuse to honour the word of
God concerning marriage”.
Adding
credence to this, Pastor (Mrs.) Abosode Akande of Praise
Assembly Church,
Oregun, Ikeja, Lagos
emphasized that sexuality issues are not given its deserved place in many
marriages, that is why crisis abound in such homes.
Akande
who is also a nurse and a marriage counselor said, “Disrespect for marriage
laws have led to separation of several couples leading to divorce. A man or woman
should know the role of sex and render it to the partner as at when due or when
it is requested. This is biblical, and should be done in a decent and honourable
way.
A woman’s
submissiveness to her husband can sometimes be traced to sex issues and how
much of it is rendered or denied. Sex is not only about having children; but it
involves how couples handle their legitimate God given desires towards each
other”.
Speaking
further, Aiyeleso suggested that the problem of sexless marriage is widespread,
even among the ministers of God.
“Even the
men of God are not left out of this problem. Many pastors’ wives complain about
their husbands not meeting their sex needs and that is why we have heard cases
of pastor’s wives committing adultery.
Having a
sexless marriage is a serious issue that many people seem not to reckon with.
Some men are starving their wives of sex while some women are too big for their
husbands to touch, especially when they are richer than their husbands”.
Is there
a way to fix a sexless marriage? Is there a cure for placidity and rigidity? Perhaps
yes, maybe no. Being able to fix the problem depends on what is causing the
problem. Identifying what is causing the lack of sex is your first step;
secondly, you must take steps at finding solutions for the causes.
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