Man Abandons Wife And Family

The famous 20th century British leader, Sir Winston Churchill asked, “Where does a family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl. No superior alternative is yet to be found”.

This was what happened a few years ago when a young man in Lagos met a young lady and the sparks of love were ignited, and they got married.

The marriage union was celebrated with a lavish church wedding and party, and after all the pomp and pageantry, the young couple went home alone to begin another life. And the expectations were indeed great.

Shortly after the wedding, the wife conceived. But the man who was now a pastor in a popular ministry was repeatedly transferred to another part of the country to do the work (?) of God. And he lived for about two years away from his bride. He only came home for a few days.

Sadly, there was no support from the husband or the man's supposed church, and the poor woman had to grapple with providing for herself and her two little children. As for the husband, his life was “Corban”, sold out to God, doing the work of the ministry.

As the months rolled by, when the confused woman discovered that she and her children had been abandoned, she could only bemoan her predicament and resort to going from church to church to seek help. Even her own family consistently wondered why she married the man in the first place, and her insistence to hang on, hoping and praying that perhaps God would touch her husband and change his heart and make him return home baffles them.

Attempts by friends and other good willed people to persuade the itinerant pastor to relocate to Lagos yielded no fruits. And whenever the young woman travels to meet him at his post outside Lagos, they spend the entire time fighting and quarelling. She returns home with both sour memories and bitterness, and the stack realities of fruitless efforts dampen her hope.

Only recently, the pastor returned to Lagos to inform the woman that he wants to quit the marriage as he was not really ready for the union from the beginning.

The more one digs into the story, the more questions there are that begs for answers.

In the first place, what kind of church does the pastor belongs to that would make him abandon his family? And what kind of sermons would he preach?

Secondly, why has the woman refused to confront the leadership of her husband's church for them to reprimand him rather than conclude that all is in God's hands?

Thirdly, was the pastor not ready for marriage, or has he now found reasons not to be favourably disposed towards the union? Can a person decide to take a vow of celibacy after marrying, just because he cannot be a father to his children due to economic considerations? Indeed there are many questions to be answered. All attempts by Marriage Alive to reach the pastor on phone have proved abortive.

Whatever the case may be, the woman needs support and help. She needs to train her children. She needs counseling; and she needs prayers.

There is a warning here though for single youths. Before you say yes to that man or woman, be very sure of what you want to get into. Don't be swayed by wishes of other people, whether pastors, prophets, or whoever. Lean on God. Remember that any compromise of His express will leads to futility and frustrations.

If you are not psychologically ready and matured enough to be a mother or father, please wait until you are. Don't let looks or modern trends deceive you. Don't let infatuation drive you or let the urge to go into legitimate sexual relationship be the major reason why you want to marry. Minus real love based on the principles of God, every other consideration will fail.

If you have a wish, prayer, an advice (or a general comment) you wish to give to this troubled woman, please say something here.