Sex is one of the strongest bonds
that keep a marriage relationship strong. But what happens when you are not
able to meet your spouse’s sex need?
Some couples may have tried several unproductive
tactics to improve their spouse’s sexual interest, including arguing once in a
while and perhaps threatening separation. Such methods hardly ever work. So
what must you do?
Usually and in some cases, the
inability to meet ones spouse’s need for sex is tied to childhood experiences.
But holding onto past experiences or trying to resolve childhood issues does
not lead to great sex between a husband and wife. In many cases, it actually worsens
the condition.
Work on Your Relationship
One of the greatest sexual
inhibitors is a bad relationship. If
you not getting along very well with your spouse, your primary concern should
be to resolve your marital conflicts by taking each others feelings into
account.
Even having more or better sex will
not help resolve a bad relationship. When a couple has a bad relationship, I do
not begin by encouraging more sex.
Fix the relationship first, and 90%
of the cases, sexual problems disappear, with or without unresolved childhood
experiences.
Show More of Affection
The level of affection also affects
the quality of sexual satisfaction among couples. But is affection the same as
sex? No!
Affection is the expression of love
with hugs, kisses, cards, flowers, gifts and with words such as "I love
you!" Affection is not only expressed in marriage, it is also expressed to
your children, your parents and, sometimes, your pets. It is our way of telling
people that we care for them and that we will be there for them when they need
us.
Men and women need affection.
Indeed, everyone wants to know they are loved. But women seem to need affection
- the expression of love, more often than men. That is why men usually don't
show it as often as women need.
But to have a great sex life, even
if you are a macho man, you can learn to do and show it as often your spouse wants
you to.
Remember that sex is a completely different
need than affection. While it also should be met in marriage, sex and affection
should not be confused.
A lot of people (especially men) who
do not have much of a need for affection tend to use affection as an
opportunity for sex. They show affection only when they make love, but rarely at
other times. This obviously causes their spouse to react with resentment.
Your spouse will feel used when you
are affectionate only when you want sex. When a person feels like a sex toy,
he/she would never give the best they can.
Affection should not be reserved
only for moments of sex. Yes, you may also be affectionate when you make love, but
sex should be a special occurrence in an environment of affection.
