5 Investments Every Married Couple Should Make

 

If you want to grow your finances, the best way is investment and deliberately making plans and taking steps to change your lot. But do we really do the same for our marriages and family?

Do you want to grow your marriage? Here are a few bite-sized things to consider doing as a way to invest in your marriage:

1.         Connect Spiritually 

One of the most beautiful aspects of marriage comes with the opportunity to emotionally and spiritually connect with another human being. Add to that, the gift of Christian marriage that gives us an opportunity to connect, not only with one another, but with a holy and almighty God.

Oftentimes, believing couples tend to take their spiritual connection for granted, forgetting that some of the most intimate moments in marriage are when we’re sharing our hearts, communicating what’s in our spirit, and interacting about our relationship with God.

If you’re looking for a really powerful way of investing in your marriage, consider setting some time aside weekly or even daily to pray together and share about what God is doing in each of your lives.

2.         Communicate Regularly 

Believe it or not, the average married couple spends just minutes a day in active and meaningful communication. It’s also a known fact that communication gets less and less with each year of marriage.

This is saddening, because there is so much joy in being able to communicate with your spouse. 

Each level of conversation is important, and has to be deliberately worked into conversation. If you want to do something small that will have a big impact on your marriage, set aside 10-20 minutes a day sitting face to face with your spouse, for the sole purpose of communicating.

Don’t let this be the time to discuss conflict or problems, but just a time to catch up and keep up with one another. 

What was the best part of your day today? or What’s something I can do to help you out this week? The goal of this time is to enjoy each other and encourage one another. 

3.         Touch Often

Before having children, many couples many couples tag along fine. But what happens afterwards?

Many couples hardly ever have any physical contact with each other. No hand-holding. No snuggling on the couch. No arms around the shoulder.

But fast forward a few years and a few kids later, and I totally understand the struggle of trying to connect physically with your spouse, all while being pulled in a million different directions.

But even during seasons of life when it’s hard to come by, physical touch is such an important part of investing in your marriage. Take inventory of your marriage, and find times (or even schedule times if you have to!) where you can be deliberate about holding hands, kissing often, making love, or even doing something as simple as touching your spouse’s back as you pass them in the kitchen.

Physical touch conveys to your spouse that: I notice you, I desire you, and I want to be near you. Talk about a great investment!

4.         Confess and Forgive Frequently

As much as we talk about confession and forgiveness, I believe we often fail to apply it in the context of our marriages, because let’s be honest, it’s a hard task!

The idea of being vulnerable and sharing your weaknesses and shortcomings with another person can be a really hard pill to swallow…which is precisely why God calls us to do it. The practice of letting down our pride in the act of confession opens the door for the opportunity to forgive, which is the sacred glue that holds marriages together.

The couples who are highly satisfied in marriage, are not the ones who have the least amount of disagreement, but the ones who have the most forgiveness. God has forgiven each one of us of so much, and those who live in that freedom are freed to forgive others.

Invest in your marriage by taking the time to search your heart frequently, being honest with your spouse about the things you are longing to change and the areas you need to ask for forgiveness.

5.         "Get Away" Weekly

They say that couples who “pray together stay together”. But I think it can also be said that couples who play together, have the most fun! Life can get busy, and the stress of it all can make us lose sight of the fact that God wants us to enjoy one another and the life he’s given us.

Invest in your marriage by taking one time a week and setting aside the time to go out (or stay in if you can’t afford a weekly sitter) and do something fun!

Play a board game on the living room floor, go out for a fun dinner, take a hike, pack a picnic lunch, or even go on a scenic drive. 

Rekindle your love for one another, by rekindling your friendship.

Investing in your marriage often means doing small things deliberately that will ultimately have a huge impact. Whether you’ve been married for 5 days, or 50 years, it’s never too early or too late to start making a difference in your marriage.

Building A Happy Family

The joy of every marriage is to have a home or family that is peaceful and joyful.. But this does not come by chance or happen by accident. You create or build the right atmosphere for your home to be happy.

One of the strongest points in having a settled family is parenting and how you master it.

Majority of parenting disagreements between couples are usually about how and when to discipline the children. It is therefore important to discuss your parenting plan in advance and in private. This gives you a united front as you discipline your children and they will not be able to play one parent against another.

Finding ways to stay connected as a family could help strengthen your family relationships and keep your marriage strong.

A good way is to have family meetings. This provides a great way to show appreciation to family members, learn and teach important principles, discuss family plans, and solve problems as a family.

A Successful Marriage Is A Matter of Choice

 A true and successful marriage is built on love and selflessness, and this is achievable by every one who chooses to follow this path.

 It is a common fact that every husband (or man) wants to lead; to be praised, obeyed and respected. But you can't get this by seeking it.

We grow love and receive authority / submission when we care, give and serve our spouse. And doing this gives you greater joy and marital fulfillment in return.

We need to learn how to give our partners what we know they need. Rather than push them away, give them what they want.

Living a life of compromise in marriage invariably leads to sweetness and fulfillment. If you put your souse first, your marriage would be transformed beyond your expectations.

I emphatically submit that no marriage will grow until love is developed in the hearts of the couple. And to help you make that choice, note that:

·        Your character and what you give out determines who you are.

·        Marriage runs smoother on the wheels of compromise.

·        You must shed every garment of ego, pride and selfishness.

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Marriage: Love Is Not Enough!

It is true that we have different strokes for different folks. To many people marriage is all about love and loving each other; and that’s all that counts. But there are a lot of married couples who would disagree with that, saying that love won't be able to pay the bills, nor will it feed hungry mouths.

However, when it comes to marriage relationships, love is always in the centre. But, love is not the only thing that keeps couples together.  It requires much more to keep a relationship healthy and flourishing.

Here are a few qualities partners should seek to maintain::

1.         Always trust each other

This means having faith in your partner's loyalty even if you know he's surrounded by a lot of temptations.  This is, believing that your partner loves you enough not to cheat on you. 

It is normal to feel jealous; however, it is how a person reacts to that emotion that will count. Acting on impulse because of jealousy will only bring you down and will not be healthy for your relationship.

2.         Always respect for each other

Your significant other should be able to give you the same respect he/she expects from you. This is respect for your individuality, for your unique personality – your sense of humor or the weird way you laugh.

This also entails a sense of respect for your decisions. Accepting your decisions and understanding it. Simply put, mutual respect in a relationship means that you value each other’s differences and understand, not try to change the other person’s personality.

3.         Be fair to each other always

Relationships are never one-way street.  It should always be give and take. This may be something as simple as choosing a location, or a movie to watch. This means establishing mutual consent on whatever the couple wants to do, instead of making the decision making process a battle to be won.

4.         Always communicate. Be open

Be free to express how you feel openly and honestly to your partner without fear of being ridiculed or misinterpreted. Having the initiative to speak what’s on your mind shows your partner that you are comfortable enough to open up to him/her. 

This is, of course, provided you’ve given it enough thought to know that what you say will be taken in a good, constructive way.

5.         Have a sense of honesty

This goes together with trust as trust is based on how honest and faithful your partner is to you. The problem lies in how a person can trust his partner if that partner can’t be honest with him/her.

6.         Be a partner or help-mate

This simply means offering your support to your partner when they're down or problematic.  They also need your support during times of happiness and triumph. 

It's nice to know that someone's with you when you're in the mud. But it's also nice to have someone to share your sweet success with.

7.         Remember you have separate Identities

Though you are one as a couple, there will be compromising situations where there is a difference in interest. This doesn’t have to end up with one losing his identity just to give way to the other person. Both partners should still be able to maintain time for their own interest like when they started with the relationship.

Marriage is sweeter when we strive to keep it healthy and happy, and do our best to make it flourish.

7 Signs You Are Expecting Way Too Much From Your Husband

It's time to cut the husband some slack.

He might be the love of your life, but he's not a mind-reader, your therapist, or a saint. It's easy to fall into a trap of wanting your husband to do and be more things as the years go by, but it's important to know the difference between a healthy expectation and one that's a little (or a lot) over the top.

This red flag refresher course can help you figure out if you've accidentally joined the "you'll never be good enough" wives' camp - and learn how to turn that trend around so you're both feeling the warm fuzzies again.

1.         You're Disappointed When He Won't Analyze What Went Wrong with Ben and Jen

Often, women start to expect their husbands to step into a role that would be better played by a friend. Time passes, we get busy (and, uh, lazy) and stop making as much of an effort to keep developing female friendships. This can take a surprisingly big toll on your marriage.

"Your husband doesn't think like your girlfriends," says Tara Fields, Ph.D., author of The Love Fix: Repair and Restore Your Relationship Right Now.

"If he has a two-word response after your monologue about a frenemy's insecurities, he may just not relate to the topic, especially if it's subtle, emotional content." It's going to frustrate both of you if he feels like he's failing to fulfill that need of yours, so give yourself permission to revive girls night so you don't feel deprived if he doesn't want to dissect The Bachelor with you.

2.         You Assume He's Not Attracted To You Anymore If He Turns You Down for Sex…Once

Trust us, if this isn't a common occurrence and your sex life hasn't drastically changed (or disappeared), it most likely has to do with work stress or exhaustion, not a big problem in your relationship. And yes, there are plenty of therapists who recommend scheduling sex to squeeze it into your busy lives, but researchers recently found that the happiest and most sexually satisfied couples are the ones who go with the flow when it comes to sex - i.e. do it when they're in the mood for it - rather than try to have it on a forced schedule.

It never feels good to be turned down, but if he's only doing it once in awhile, try to remember that it's probably really not you (just like it's not always him when you're not feelin' it). Find another way to connect instead, like giving each other back rubs or snuggling up in front of a movie.

3.         You're Offended When He Doesn't Remember Every Part of Your Story

Some say it's all in the details, but that's not the case when it comes to most men. If his eyes glaze over as you're explaining the backstory of how your boss's cousin met her fiancé, it's not that he doesn't find it interesting, it's just that he's waiting for you to get to the point.

"Most men are about the bottom line. They're solution-oriented, rather than detail-oriented," says Fields. "He should be mentally present while you're talking - that's a fair expectation - but don't think of it as a character flaw if he's less interested in, or simply can't remember, the details."

Laugh it off next time he loses the thread when you're recounting a lunch conversation with your work colleague, but if it's a serious matter, cut to the chase: Say up front that you want to talk to him about something important to you and his ears will perk right up.

4.         You Get Upset When He's Not Interested in Talking About Your Fight Last Month

Men don't really dwell on or analyze events from the past as much as women do - which is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it's good because it's easier for them to move on from an issue that's already been put to rest.

Fields says that can be the best move in some situations, when it's healthier to move forward and focus on the present. On the other hand, though, sometimes it means they don't understand why something that they think is over really isn't - because you want to make sure there aren't any lingering issues.

When this happens, well, blame both of your emotions. Women have more natural mood highs and lows than guys do, and along with that comes a wider range of emotions. So when your man seems to be dismissing you, he probably isn't - it's more likely that he just isn't experiencing the same emotions as you, and he's already expressed everything he's feeling.

"For women, it's like a fun, recreational sport to talk about feelings," says Fields. "For men, a recreational sport is a basketball game." If you really need to talk it out still, just let him know that and he's likely to make the effort because he knows it's important to you.

That said, don't assume he'll have a perfect, well-formulated response. He may need a few days to process it all, so tell him it's okay to discuss it again in a few days.

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5.         You're Annoyed That He Doesn't Want to Work Out Together

Hopefully you have a few shared interests and activities, but if your husband is more into watching golf than playing it, consider letting him off the hook.

A recent study found that it's less important for couples to share the same activities, and instead focus on having hobbies you both enjoy, even if they're separate. He doesn't have to share your love of competitive swimming or running, as long as he supports the stuff that make you happy - and, of course, cheers you on when you cross that finish line.

6.         You Hate When He Looks At Models Or Celebs

Unless he does it constantly or is disrespectful, it's normal for your husband to appreciate other attractive women - as long as he isn't making rude comparisons or making you feel uncomfortable. If he's checking out the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, it's probably harmless and not worth digging in your heels over.

7.         He Always Seems to Say the Wrong Thing and Make You Feel Worse

When you have a hellish day and assume that's written all over your resting bitch face, it would be great if your husband said or did the perfect, world-fixing thing - ike he used to do when you were first dating. Unfortunately, years into a relationship, it's not-so-realistic to expect him to magically sweet-talk your problems or bad mood away.

"It's up to you to manage your own expectations," says Fields. "Don't push him too much to do or be or say what you want - you'll only be disappointed."

When he doesn't talk you off your stressed-out ledge as sweetly as he once did, or dropped the habit of surprising you with flowers long ago, it could be a sign that he's got an awful lot on his own plate.

Every marriage (and spouse) experiences tough, less lovey-dovey phases. Put yourself in his shoes: Is he 110% overloaded with work obligations, family responsibilities, bills, and more? Probably - but he doesn't have the natural emotional inclination to tell you all about it. Rather, guys tend to act out or shut down entirely when they're struggling.

So rather than snap at him more for not reading your mind, try to remember that he's probably had a rough day too, and the two of you can work together to end your day on a high note.

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