Marriage: Love Is Not Enough!

It is true that we have different strokes for different folks. To many people marriage is all about love and loving each other; and that’s all that counts. But there are a lot of married couples who would disagree with that, saying that love won't be able to pay the bills, nor will it feed hungry mouths.

However, when it comes to marriage relationships, love is always in the centre. But, love is not the only thing that keeps couples together.  It requires much more to keep a relationship healthy and flourishing.

Here are a few qualities partners should seek to maintain::

1.         Always trust each other

This means having faith in your partner's loyalty even if you know he's surrounded by a lot of temptations.  This is, believing that your partner loves you enough not to cheat on you. 

It is normal to feel jealous; however, it is how a person reacts to that emotion that will count. Acting on impulse because of jealousy will only bring you down and will not be healthy for your relationship.

2.         Always respect for each other

Your significant other should be able to give you the same respect he/she expects from you. This is respect for your individuality, for your unique personality – your sense of humor or the weird way you laugh.

This also entails a sense of respect for your decisions. Accepting your decisions and understanding it. Simply put, mutual respect in a relationship means that you value each other’s differences and understand, not try to change the other person’s personality.

3.         Be fair to each other always

Relationships are never one-way street.  It should always be give and take. This may be something as simple as choosing a location, or a movie to watch. This means establishing mutual consent on whatever the couple wants to do, instead of making the decision making process a battle to be won.

4.         Always communicate. Be open

Be free to express how you feel openly and honestly to your partner without fear of being ridiculed or misinterpreted. Having the initiative to speak what’s on your mind shows your partner that you are comfortable enough to open up to him/her. 

This is, of course, provided you’ve given it enough thought to know that what you say will be taken in a good, constructive way.

5.         Have a sense of honesty

This goes together with trust as trust is based on how honest and faithful your partner is to you. The problem lies in how a person can trust his partner if that partner can’t be honest with him/her.

6.         Be a partner or help-mate

This simply means offering your support to your partner when they're down or problematic.  They also need your support during times of happiness and triumph. 

It's nice to know that someone's with you when you're in the mud. But it's also nice to have someone to share your sweet success with.

7.         Remember you have separate Identities

Though you are one as a couple, there will be compromising situations where there is a difference in interest. This doesn’t have to end up with one losing his identity just to give way to the other person. Both partners should still be able to maintain time for their own interest like when they started with the relationship.

Marriage is sweeter when we strive to keep it healthy and happy, and do our best to make it flourish.

The Sensitive Spouse

 One of the keys in building a strong relationship is communication. How open and sensitive you are to your partner goes a long way to shape your relationship and the joy you enjoy.

Communication involves much more than words. The tone of your voice and your body language create messages as well.

Try to be sensitive to the other messages you are portraying with a calm or angry tone. Work on explaining your point truthfully and calmly, and keep your body relaxed as well.

• “If I say this, in this way; how would it impact on my partner’s feelings?”
• “How is my countenance fueling my partner’s untoward reaction?”

If you expect to get along with your spouse, you will. Talking respectfully and looking for creative solutions to the problems you face as a couple and as parents will go a long way in creating a strong and enduring marriage.

If you expect to have a confrontation, you will. If you expect to resolve a conflict with respect and love, you will.

Just be sensitive and your relationship will make sense!

3 Words That May Be Missing or Not Used Enough In Your Marriage

One of the strongest things that bring peace and joy to a marriage is good and meaningful, communication. 

There would always be issues in marriage, but murmuring and sighs don’t really bring out the best in couples. 

Good here simply means not initiating the conversation when we think our spouses are wrong, but we also need a willingness to admit when we know we are the one who is wrong.

How often do you offer your spouse the benefit of the doubt? This can go a long way in overcoming conflicts that come up in your relationship.

The next time you find yourself all charged for a “fight” with your spouse or ready to give them a piece of your mind, take a time out and hold up a white flag while you speak these three words to your spouse.

Please forgive me: 

Sound weird? What about those other three words, like, “I love you,” or the more obvious word choice when you’re in an argument, “I’m sorry”?

Those phrases are useful, but they’re not always used sincerely. 

“I’m so sorry” and “I love you” can quickly deteriorate into “Sorry” sarcasm, and “Love you” scorn, with maybe even an eye-roll thrown in for good measure.

But when we intentionally ask our spouses to forgive us, we do a couple of important things simultaneously. 

1.         We recognize are we also at fault in the current argument or conflict.

Whether you feel you’re in the wrong or not, if you’ve exchanged harsh words or offered an ugly attitude over whatever you’re arguing about, you have a part you can apologize for and ask to be forgiven for. 

Yes, there is always something you could have handled better.

2.         We draw our spouses closer to us instead of pushing them further away. 

“Please forgive me” creates an invitation, a moment, where defensiveness can soften, and for an opportunity to choose love over resentment to be taken. 

Suddenly, instead of focusing on winning the argument, we’re focusing on each other and how we can both move back to common ground.

If you find yourself frequently looking for and holding onto little things your spouse does that hurts your feelings or causes growing dislike or bitterness, it may be time to do a heart reset. Change!

Simple Ways To Build A Lasting Marriage (Part 2)

Marriage involves uniting two different people with the expectation of facing life’s challenges together as one. This is God’s expectation for you and your spouse. 

But for couples to essentially overcome life’s obstacles, they must first be a team. The ability of you and your spouse to overcoming issues and becoming fulfilled is tied to how close you are to each other and to God. 

This may seem hard, but it is the key to happiness in marriage and you can achieve it.

Here are a few ways to build a lasting marriage and overcoming life’s obstacles together as a couple:

1.         Pray Together Regularly

Praying together helps in taking away some pressures of your shoulders, especially for the husband and helps everyone align their expectations. 

Establish and maintain a habit of praying with your spouse for wisdom, direction, and strength in your marriage – and to communicate with God concerning specific issues that each of you have. 

If circumstances (such as distance, nature of work, etc) do not permit you to pray face-to-face, pray over the phone together or arrange a time and pray over itemized issues.

2.         Don’t Fight Over Every Issue

Disagreements would surely come in marriage; but choose your battles wisely. Don’t let minor irritations in your relationship grow to become problems. 

Note that you both have personal habits, idiosyncrasies and weaknesses, and you need to allow your spouse some space and grace. Use time and energy only on disagreements about major issues that you all really need to work through and resolve for the health of your marriage.

3.         Encourage Each Other’s Dreams And Goals

Spouses ought to help themselves bring out the best in each other by encouraging each other to pursue their God-given dreams.

Don’t compel your spouse to follow your path if he or she is not cut out for that. Don’t let one spouse’s dreams get neglected. Strive to allocate your shared attention, time, energy, and money so that both of you can pursue your God-given dreams to bring the best out of your union.

4.         Kill Anger

“Till death do us part…”we normally say. But a lot of spouses kill each other daily with their mouths and actions. 

Be careful not to hurt your spouse through the ways you express your anger (such as by speaking harsh words or throwing objects).

Ask God to give you the self-control you need to direct your anger in healthy, productive ways (like motivation for solving problems) rather than in destructive ways. 

When you’re arguing with your spouse and are having trouble controlling your anger, take a break and resume discussing the issue later when you’re not too tired or stressed.

5.         Always Remember Your Commitment To Each Other

Please note that love is never constant. It fluctuates. As your marital love matures, the intense romantic feelings you had for each other initially will fade, because they’ve already accomplished their purpose of getting you all to focus on each other. 

How do you then progress in marriage? You need to build your love on the commitment you and your spouse made to each other, which is much more reliable than your feelings. Fall back on your commitment when your feelings seem to falter.

6.         Grieve When You Lose; But Hold Hands Still And Don’t Quit

 Marriage is simply not a bed of roses. Challenges would inevitably come. Expect to experience some difficult losses and disappointments together sometimes in this fallen world. 

But whenever that happens, deal with each other gracefully, supporting each other with whatever you all need to grieve in your own ways while relying on God to help you through the process. Don’t jump ship when the times are tough!

7.         Keep Learning, Growing, And Adjusting Together

Marriage is a school, an institution where no permanent solutions are found. It is a union where you keep refining and re-shaping yourself. 

During every new day of your marriage that God gives you and your spouse, choose to follow God as He leads you on new adventures, so you both can become the people God intends you to become.