5 Investments Every Married Couple Should Make

 

If you want to grow your finances, the best way is investment and deliberately making plans and taking steps to change your lot. But do we really do the same for our marriages and family?

Do you want to grow your marriage? Here are a few bite-sized things to consider doing as a way to invest in your marriage:

1.         Connect Spiritually 

One of the most beautiful aspects of marriage comes with the opportunity to emotionally and spiritually connect with another human being. Add to that, the gift of Christian marriage that gives us an opportunity to connect, not only with one another, but with a holy and almighty God.

Oftentimes, believing couples tend to take their spiritual connection for granted, forgetting that some of the most intimate moments in marriage are when we’re sharing our hearts, communicating what’s in our spirit, and interacting about our relationship with God.

If you’re looking for a really powerful way of investing in your marriage, consider setting some time aside weekly or even daily to pray together and share about what God is doing in each of your lives.

2.         Communicate Regularly 

Believe it or not, the average married couple spends just minutes a day in active and meaningful communication. It’s also a known fact that communication gets less and less with each year of marriage.

This is saddening, because there is so much joy in being able to communicate with your spouse. 

Each level of conversation is important, and has to be deliberately worked into conversation. If you want to do something small that will have a big impact on your marriage, set aside 10-20 minutes a day sitting face to face with your spouse, for the sole purpose of communicating.

Don’t let this be the time to discuss conflict or problems, but just a time to catch up and keep up with one another. 

What was the best part of your day today? or What’s something I can do to help you out this week? The goal of this time is to enjoy each other and encourage one another. 

3.         Touch Often

Before having children, many couples many couples tag along fine. But what happens afterwards?

Many couples hardly ever have any physical contact with each other. No hand-holding. No snuggling on the couch. No arms around the shoulder.

But fast forward a few years and a few kids later, and I totally understand the struggle of trying to connect physically with your spouse, all while being pulled in a million different directions.

But even during seasons of life when it’s hard to come by, physical touch is such an important part of investing in your marriage. Take inventory of your marriage, and find times (or even schedule times if you have to!) where you can be deliberate about holding hands, kissing often, making love, or even doing something as simple as touching your spouse’s back as you pass them in the kitchen.

Physical touch conveys to your spouse that: I notice you, I desire you, and I want to be near you. Talk about a great investment!

4.         Confess and Forgive Frequently

As much as we talk about confession and forgiveness, I believe we often fail to apply it in the context of our marriages, because let’s be honest, it’s a hard task!

The idea of being vulnerable and sharing your weaknesses and shortcomings with another person can be a really hard pill to swallow…which is precisely why God calls us to do it. The practice of letting down our pride in the act of confession opens the door for the opportunity to forgive, which is the sacred glue that holds marriages together.

The couples who are highly satisfied in marriage, are not the ones who have the least amount of disagreement, but the ones who have the most forgiveness. God has forgiven each one of us of so much, and those who live in that freedom are freed to forgive others.

Invest in your marriage by taking the time to search your heart frequently, being honest with your spouse about the things you are longing to change and the areas you need to ask for forgiveness.

5.         "Get Away" Weekly

They say that couples who “pray together stay together”. But I think it can also be said that couples who play together, have the most fun! Life can get busy, and the stress of it all can make us lose sight of the fact that God wants us to enjoy one another and the life he’s given us.

Invest in your marriage by taking one time a week and setting aside the time to go out (or stay in if you can’t afford a weekly sitter) and do something fun!

Play a board game on the living room floor, go out for a fun dinner, take a hike, pack a picnic lunch, or even go on a scenic drive. 

Rekindle your love for one another, by rekindling your friendship.

Investing in your marriage often means doing small things deliberately that will ultimately have a huge impact. Whether you’ve been married for 5 days, or 50 years, it’s never too early or too late to start making a difference in your marriage.

7 Words That Will Change Your Marriage

A lot of folks would go to any length to tend to their look and outward appearance. We spend billions each year on our appearance. Gym memberships, dieting programs that may or may not work, new clothes and more, occupy our minds. Yes, it is nice that care how we look. But, what do our marriages look like?

More importantly, where does our marital health rank on the list of To-Do’s? Instead of our bodies and physical appearance being top priorities, what if we put that focus on our marriages instead?

The hardest part of parenting, that no one seems to want to warn you about, is the strain children have on your marriage. Children can come between you and your spouse.

As the years go by, the children naturally become our focus, making it easy to lose sight of each other. We don’t take the time or energy necessary to stay connected.

But, this trend can be stopped if you give your marriage a “check up.” I believe there are seven words that, if applied to our marriages, have the power to make this year the best year we have ever experienced as a couple.

1.         Initiate: Remember the courtship? Make an effort to woo your spouse all over again. So many marriages fall apart because people just stop trying.

2.         Prioritize: What is your top priority? It’s where you devote the majority of your time or energy. Turn off the television and put down your iPhone. Your email and updating your Facebook status can wait.

3.         Communicate: In a successful marriage, you have to fight the urge to sweep things under the rug. Don’t allow things to fester. Instead, keep an open line of communication.

When we have “sounding boards” who aren’t our spouses, sure, we might feel a little better, but we are doing nothing to actually resolve situations or improve our relationship.

4.         Listen: The most important part of communicating doesn’t involve speaking; it’s listening. Your spouse wants to be heard.

How can you know what he or she is feeling if you don’t take the time to listen. All too often, many of us are too quick to interject before the person is even finished speaking.

5.         Forgive: Don’t hold onto things. You only harm yourself. When your spouse does something, refer to #3 and #4. Then, let it go. Forgive them and move on.

6.         Love: Without love, there is no marriage. And, that’s why we must keep the spark alive.

This year, set aside more time to date your spouse. And, when you are out, try your best to make sure the kids or grandkids aren’t the primary topic of conversation. Spoil your spouse occasionally.

7.         Pray: It has been said that a successful marriage consists of three people: husband, wife and God. Involve Him more, even in the so-called “little things.”

Let’s resolve together to focus on our relationships more than ourselves this year, and watch how God will bless the efforts.

I am sure there are other words you would add to this list!

Adapted from Brent Rinehart’s

Should Couples Use Texting To Resolve Marital Conflict?

 

Resolving marital conflict requires that couples talk things over. Issues cannot be resolved without communication. This is why good communication is vital to a healthy marriage.

But with the advent of telephone and advancement of information technology, more couples now turn to using their smartphones and other internet devices to communicate when issues arise at home.

Couples now spend more time texting than talking. You could argue that if both the husband and wife are doing this, then what’s the problem?

The problem is, while most couples would agree that good communication is vital to a healthy marriage, they still opt to have important conversations via text. Texting certainly has its place, but there are a few problems with texting that deserve consideration.

Many couples use text as a means to resolve conflict. While there are merits to having an opportunity to think through your words before saying them, texting allows for rapid fire responses and incomplete sentences that leave room for confusion and false interpretation.

This typically has one of two results: 

• the conflict is left unresolved and allowed to fester
• or the resolution is misunderstood and creates new conflict.

 Texting also allows you to keep your emotions to yourself rather than allowing your spouse to see the pain in your eyes and the strain in your voice. In reverse, texting protects you from having to personally deal with these same emotions from your spouse.

Recognizing and owning the pain you’ve caused someone is vital in any relationship. Allowing your spouse to adequately express their pain is vital to their healing.

Why should couples who go out to dinner both immediately pull out their phones when they are seated? Are they avoiding each other? Are they more comfortable sitting in silence than engaging in actual conversation? Could it not be they are possibly being unfaithful?

Truly, couples should more often than not put down their smartphones and talk before it is too late. They need to get smart!

Talk to your spouse and ask them what you’re currently doing, or what you could potentially do that would make them feel threatened, left out or not catered for. Talking and not texting is the smartest way to resolving marital crisis!

Simple Secrets To A Happy Relationship

We can find happiness in all kinds of places, but there's perhaps nothing as special as being truly elated in the relationship with your significant other. Here we're breaking down the most important secrets to a happy partnership, according to studies that know what they're talking about. 

You might have heard some of these tips before, but it's time you get concrete examples of how to carry them out. Because no matter if you just got together or you've been married for five years, everyone could use a little guidance.

1. Communicate Better

We all know this, but what you might not know is that even the smallest things make a big difference.

   Couples who make important decisions or argue not through texting but by actually talking are better off. Who woulda thought?

    People in successful relationships just talk to each other a whole lot, i.e. five hours more a week than those in less happy relationships.
    It's OK to get mad at each other (duh) but those who are honest about their feelings from the start of a relationship are better off long-term.
    Happy couples try to defuse tension and fights by showing humor or affection or compromising. Unhappy couples? They criticize, roll their eyes, and name call. Not good.

2. Don't Be Boring

Happiness leads to more happiness, after all.

    Laugh with each other! That's what happy couples do, and it's among the top three reasons for relationship success. Here's an idea: go to comedy shows together, see funny movies, or host game nights.

    Pairs who have positive interactions every day are more likely to win at life. Examples? Cooking together; giving a compliment; showing you care by leaving a nice note.

    Reliving memories together when you both shared laughter is good for your companionship. So simple but so effective.

    So is sharing a new experience together, be it big (taking a trip) or small (taking a walk around the neighborhood). Hooray!

3. Support Each Other

The lesson: we all want to feel celebrated, but especially from our partners.

    Get ready to pop some Champagne. Significant others who are proud of the other's achievements and cheer one another on are happier than those who are less enthusiastic about big news.

    And those who not only congratulate ("Good job, honey!") but also ask questions and relive the experience with their S.O. are happier, too.

4. Knock the Boots
How many times have you said, "Maybe tomorrow night"? Stop that right now! (This playlist will help.)

    Is this a surprise? Having sex once a week as opposed to once a month increases relationship happiness.
    The happiest couples, though, have sex two to three times a week. Va va voom!

The Right Atmosphere For Communication And Joy In Marriage

One reason why relationships become unhealthy and degenerate to having a mean partner who is respectful, hurtful, controlling, and emotional abusive is the lack of open communication.

Many people are uncomfortable with expressing anger for fear that it will damage their relationships. Some spouses, especially women, are taught to be quiet and bottle up everything and be submissive entirely to their husbands, irrespective of how they feel or the circumstances.

However, if feelings are buried, they don't go away, they just fester. And in such cases, this is simply evidence of a crisis waiting to happen.

It's critical for couples to learn how to disagree respectfully and without attacking your spouse.

If a safe environment is created for discussing feelings, it's much easier for the reserved spouse to have the courage to share from their heart and resolve any conflict.

It may surprise you to know that men want to be understood, just like woman want to be understood. Let’s just create the atmosphere and opportunity for our partners to free to express themselves.

Marriage: Love Is Not Enough!

It is true that we have different strokes for different folks. To many people marriage is all about love and loving each other; and that’s all that counts. But there are a lot of married couples who would disagree with that, saying that love won't be able to pay the bills, nor will it feed hungry mouths.

However, when it comes to marriage relationships, love is always in the centre. But, love is not the only thing that keeps couples together.  It requires much more to keep a relationship healthy and flourishing.

Here are a few qualities partners should seek to maintain::

1.         Always trust each other

This means having faith in your partner's loyalty even if you know he's surrounded by a lot of temptations.  This is, believing that your partner loves you enough not to cheat on you. 

It is normal to feel jealous; however, it is how a person reacts to that emotion that will count. Acting on impulse because of jealousy will only bring you down and will not be healthy for your relationship.

2.         Always respect for each other

Your significant other should be able to give you the same respect he/she expects from you. This is respect for your individuality, for your unique personality – your sense of humor or the weird way you laugh.

This also entails a sense of respect for your decisions. Accepting your decisions and understanding it. Simply put, mutual respect in a relationship means that you value each other’s differences and understand, not try to change the other person’s personality.

3.         Be fair to each other always

Relationships are never one-way street.  It should always be give and take. This may be something as simple as choosing a location, or a movie to watch. This means establishing mutual consent on whatever the couple wants to do, instead of making the decision making process a battle to be won.

4.         Always communicate. Be open

Be free to express how you feel openly and honestly to your partner without fear of being ridiculed or misinterpreted. Having the initiative to speak what’s on your mind shows your partner that you are comfortable enough to open up to him/her. 

This is, of course, provided you’ve given it enough thought to know that what you say will be taken in a good, constructive way.

5.         Have a sense of honesty

This goes together with trust as trust is based on how honest and faithful your partner is to you. The problem lies in how a person can trust his partner if that partner can’t be honest with him/her.

6.         Be a partner or help-mate

This simply means offering your support to your partner when they're down or problematic.  They also need your support during times of happiness and triumph. 

It's nice to know that someone's with you when you're in the mud. But it's also nice to have someone to share your sweet success with.

7.         Remember you have separate Identities

Though you are one as a couple, there will be compromising situations where there is a difference in interest. This doesn’t have to end up with one losing his identity just to give way to the other person. Both partners should still be able to maintain time for their own interest like when they started with the relationship.

Marriage is sweeter when we strive to keep it healthy and happy, and do our best to make it flourish.