Simple Ways To Build A Lasting Marriage (Part 2)

Marriage involves uniting two different people with the expectation of facing life’s challenges together as one. This is God’s expectation for you and your spouse. 

But for couples to essentially overcome life’s obstacles, they must first be a team. The ability of you and your spouse to overcoming issues and becoming fulfilled is tied to how close you are to each other and to God. 

This may seem hard, but it is the key to happiness in marriage and you can achieve it.

Here are a few ways to build a lasting marriage and overcoming life’s obstacles together as a couple:

1.         Pray Together Regularly

Praying together helps in taking away some pressures of your shoulders, especially for the husband and helps everyone align their expectations. 

Establish and maintain a habit of praying with your spouse for wisdom, direction, and strength in your marriage – and to communicate with God concerning specific issues that each of you have. 

If circumstances (such as distance, nature of work, etc) do not permit you to pray face-to-face, pray over the phone together or arrange a time and pray over itemized issues.

2.         Don’t Fight Over Every Issue

Disagreements would surely come in marriage; but choose your battles wisely. Don’t let minor irritations in your relationship grow to become problems. 

Note that you both have personal habits, idiosyncrasies and weaknesses, and you need to allow your spouse some space and grace. Use time and energy only on disagreements about major issues that you all really need to work through and resolve for the health of your marriage.

3.         Encourage Each Other’s Dreams And Goals

Spouses ought to help themselves bring out the best in each other by encouraging each other to pursue their God-given dreams.

Don’t compel your spouse to follow your path if he or she is not cut out for that. Don’t let one spouse’s dreams get neglected. Strive to allocate your shared attention, time, energy, and money so that both of you can pursue your God-given dreams to bring the best out of your union.

4.         Kill Anger

“Till death do us part…”we normally say. But a lot of spouses kill each other daily with their mouths and actions. 

Be careful not to hurt your spouse through the ways you express your anger (such as by speaking harsh words or throwing objects).

Ask God to give you the self-control you need to direct your anger in healthy, productive ways (like motivation for solving problems) rather than in destructive ways. 

When you’re arguing with your spouse and are having trouble controlling your anger, take a break and resume discussing the issue later when you’re not too tired or stressed.

5.         Always Remember Your Commitment To Each Other

Please note that love is never constant. It fluctuates. As your marital love matures, the intense romantic feelings you had for each other initially will fade, because they’ve already accomplished their purpose of getting you all to focus on each other. 

How do you then progress in marriage? You need to build your love on the commitment you and your spouse made to each other, which is much more reliable than your feelings. Fall back on your commitment when your feelings seem to falter.

6.         Grieve When You Lose; But Hold Hands Still And Don’t Quit

 Marriage is simply not a bed of roses. Challenges would inevitably come. Expect to experience some difficult losses and disappointments together sometimes in this fallen world. 

But whenever that happens, deal with each other gracefully, supporting each other with whatever you all need to grieve in your own ways while relying on God to help you through the process. Don’t jump ship when the times are tough!

7.         Keep Learning, Growing, And Adjusting Together

Marriage is a school, an institution where no permanent solutions are found. It is a union where you keep refining and re-shaping yourself. 

During every new day of your marriage that God gives you and your spouse, choose to follow God as He leads you on new adventures, so you both can become the people God intends you to become.

Simple Ways To Build A Lasting Marriage (Part 1)

Having a sound marriage and healthy relationship in a time where divorce seem to be overtaking many people would seem to a great achievement; but it is by far better to build a marriage that keeps growing stronger over time in spite of challenges and obstacles.

This is God’s expectation for you and your spouse. It is not just trying to hang onto your marriage or to endure; but for you and your spouse to grow closer to him and each other every new day of your lives together.

Here are a few ways to build a lasting marriage and overcoming life’s obstacles together as a couple:

1.         Put Your Trust in God:

Yes, the future is largely unknown and couples can’t tell the future circumstances or challenges that might arise; but you and your spouse that press on if you trust God – who knows.

When we ask for God’s help daily, He strengthens our bond and our resolve to face challenges. He gives us wisdom to know how best to deal with situations as they arise.

2.         Surround Yourselves With Positive People

Marriage is like a community. It does not solely begin and end with you and your spouse. You need strong network of positive people around. 

As a couple, you need to build close relationships with friends and family who are God fearing and who believe in the sanctity of marriage. It is always helpful to have married positive friends because you can support each other in ways that strengthen each other’s marriages.

A positive friend will pray with you, encourage you, teach you accountability, and also give useful help when needed. 

3.         Always Communicate With Your Spouse

When you and your spouse are communicating honestly and openly about the decisions that each of you faces on a regular basis it reduce misconceptions, tension and friction. 

Keep a line of communication open all the time. Don’t surprise your spouse by deciding something that affects both of you without first discussing it together. Check in with each other for regular conversations to stay in touch with each other.

4.         Disagree, But Always Respond With Love And Respect

Disagreements in marriage are bound to occur occasionally in marriage essentially because you are different people with different points of view. But focus on understanding each other’s perspectives rather than trying to figure out who’s right and who’s wrong. 

Carefully listen to each other and value your spouse’s opinions. Reaching a mutual agreement at such times is the best way to go. 

But after lovingly and respectfully discussing the issue and  yet you both can’t agree, the husband should make the final decision based on what he thinks is best, bearing in mind that he should love his wife sacrificially, take her viewpoint seriously, and make every effort to meet her needs in the decision process.

5.         Don’t Stop Dating Each Other

The world may be busy and running on rocket speed, but make time in your schedules regularly to go on dates together so you can enjoy fun and relaxing time as just the two of you. 

Note that your dates don’t have to be complicated or expensive. After all he/she is your spouse. But your marriage would benefit from dates as simple as evening walks around your neighborhood or lunches out while your kids are in school or on play dates.

6.         Work Together As A Team

The strength of every team lies in everyone manning where they are strong. A team draws upon each other’s strengths to work effectively. 

As a couple, don’t force each other into rigid roles based on what husbands and wives traditionally do at home. Instead, let each person do the household tasks that he/she can do best, according to the abilities that God has given him/her.

You and your spouse uniquely endowed by God to do certain things better. So if your wife is better at mechanical repairs than you, let her fix whatever breaks down at your house. If your husband is better at cooking than you, let him prepare your family’s meals. 

Find a way to discover how you both function best and use those strengths so your home will function well as a team.

7.         Cast Your Burdens Onto God Through Prayer

Whenever situations make you or your spouse anxious, pray about them, trusting God to intervene in those situations and guide and empower you to deal with them well.

As you trust God, He will give you peace. Simply trade your worries for His peace.

Are You Hurting In Your Marriage?

Perhaps your spouse has neglected or rejected you. Perhaps you are hurt or you are struggling to get over the pain of a cheating spouse. If your marriage is in trouble, the chances are good that you need to put some hurt behind you.

Truly, many people want to make their marriage work. But how do you get over the past?

Here's the key.

1.         The first step is to realize what you really want to accomplish. What does it really mean to get over the past?

You can't change what happened. There's no time machine that can send you back to relive the past. What's done is done.

It is not that your situation is hopeless. But you need to be clear about what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over your past. You cannot change events that already occurred.

2.         The good news is that you don't have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the meaning of the past.

Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, "Why is this happening to me?"

But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense.

In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good!

Note that, it's the events that follow bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it's your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since you are in charge of your future, then you determine the meaning of your past.

There's nothing you can do to change the past. But you have to respond to the events of your life. And it's your response, your actions in the future, which determine the meaning of the events in your past.

So how do you get over the past?

You don't have to get over the past. The past is over! What's important is the meaning the past has for you NOW. And the meaning of your past is determined by your actions in the future.

The people who have the best marriages are people who went through hell in their relationship. They "got over" their past because they used it as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situation.

In other words, the painful events inspired them to change themselves and their marriage. And you can begin this process all alone even without your spouse.

If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth pains that led to a new and improved marriage. That’s how you "get over" the past.

It's strange how life works sometimes, and, in fact, when it comes to relationships, it's usually bad times that awaken people to search for new ways.

Perhaps you're hurting. But you can rebuild your marriage.