It’s the dirty little secret of
baby-making: After nine long months, you’re overwhelmed by the love you feel
for your newborn -- and shocked to find how much havoc that bundle of joy is
wreaking in the bedroom. If you’re feeling less than lusty after having a baby,
you’re not alone.
“It’s completely normal for both
women and men’s libido to hit a rock-bottom low during the first six to nine
months following the birth of your baby,” says L.A. ob-gyn Sheryl Ross, MD.
Rest assured, you needn’t throw
your sex life out with the bathwater. Here are a few secrets to help you dust
off your sexuality post-baby.
1. Good: Adjust Your
Expectations
Celebrity magazines make it seem
like your waistline and your sex life should snap back to normal in a matter of
weeks. But the experts know otherwise: Your new postpartum hormones are
designed to make you lust-less.
“The first six weeks are
definitely the hardest hormonally and physically for both women and men,” says
Ross. If you're a new mom, “your hormones are all over the place, your low
estrogen level is in the menopausal range, your vagina is dry with little
natural lubrication, and sex hurts. This is the normal baseline.”
Meanwhile, studies have shown
that men’s testosterone levels dip when they become fathers, and the more they
interact with their Mini-Mes, the lower those levels go.
First step: Don’t rush things. "Most women will find
intercourse painful up until the three-month mark," notes Ross.
"Once you cross that line, look
for life to get easier in every way. I always tell my [female] patients, 'It
takes you nine months to go through the pregnancy. Allow yourself nine more to
have your body return to normal, too.'"
2. Better: Take Two-Hour
'Vacations'
"The best advice I can give
to people to fix their libido is get some help [with the baby], says NYC ob-gyn
Daniel Roshan, MD.
"You can hire a nurse, or
ask your mother, your cousins, your friends, your neighbors... I don’t know a
magic bullet for fixing libido [post-baby]. It’s about exhaustion."
On top of that, less free time
and more chores can put sex on the back burner. “Even a two-hour vacation can
make a world of difference,” says Sabitha Pillai, Ph.D., an assistant professor
at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University.
“It’s short enough that the baby
can manage without milk or formula, but the two hours makes a huge difference
[for the parents] mentally and psychologically.”
3. Best: Just Touch Each
Other
There’s one emotional snare that
many new parents fall prey to: “A lot of us wind up transferring our emotional
energy to our kids versus expressing it as a couple,” says Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D.,
a clinical sexologist in L.A.
Much of it has to do with
oxytocin, the bonding chemical we release when we hug, make love... and
breastfeed.
“Directly after giving birth, the
mother winds up getting her oxytocin from her kid,” Van Kirk explains. “I see
couples disconnect, emotionally and physically.”
To get back on track, start
talking - and touching - right away to raise your oxytocin levels. “Even in the
first six weeks, when intercourse is frowned upon, set up time to give each
other a massage or a foot rub,” she suggests.
And don’t be afraid to be
opportunistic about sex, whether that means setting a sex date or taking
advantage of baby's naps. “Even if it’s a quickie, it’s important,” says Van
Kirk. “Sex begets more sex.”
No comments:
Post a Comment