Are You Hurting In Your Marriage?

Perhaps your spouse has neglected or rejected you. Perhaps you are hurt or you are struggling to get over the pain of a cheating spouse. If your marriage is in trouble, the chances are good that you need to put some hurt behind you.

Truly, many people want to make their marriage work. But how do you get over the past?

Here's the key.

1.         The first step is to realize what you really want to accomplish. What does it really mean to get over the past?

You can't change what happened. There's no time machine that can send you back to relive the past. What's done is done.

It is not that your situation is hopeless. But you need to be clear about what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over your past. You cannot change events that already occurred.

2.         The good news is that you don't have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the meaning of the past.

Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, "Why is this happening to me?"

But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense.

In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good!

Note that, it's the events that follow bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it's your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since you are in charge of your future, then you determine the meaning of your past.

There's nothing you can do to change the past. But you have to respond to the events of your life. And it's your response, your actions in the future, which determine the meaning of the events in your past.

So how do you get over the past?

You don't have to get over the past. The past is over! What's important is the meaning the past has for you NOW. And the meaning of your past is determined by your actions in the future.

The people who have the best marriages are people who went through hell in their relationship. They "got over" their past because they used it as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situation.

In other words, the painful events inspired them to change themselves and their marriage. And you can begin this process all alone even without your spouse.

If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth pains that led to a new and improved marriage. That’s how you "get over" the past.

It's strange how life works sometimes, and, in fact, when it comes to relationships, it's usually bad times that awaken people to search for new ways.

Perhaps you're hurting. But you can rebuild your marriage.