Perhaps your spouse has neglected or rejected you. Perhaps you are hurt or
you are struggling to get over the pain of a cheating spouse. If your marriage
is in trouble, the chances are good that you need to put some hurt behind you.
Truly, many people want to make their marriage work. But how do you get
over the past?
Here's the key.
1. The first step is to realize what you really want to
accomplish. What does it really mean to get over the past?
You can't change what happened. There's no time machine that can send you
back to relive the past. What's done is done.
It is not that your situation is hopeless. But you need to be clear about
what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over your past. You cannot change
events that already occurred.
2. The good news is that you don't have to change the past in
order to get over it. What you have to change is the meaning of the past.
Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something
horrible happened and you thought, "Why is this happening to me?"
But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that
question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed
like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense.
In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a
process that leads to something good!
Note that, it's the events that follow bad times that determine the
ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it's your future that
determines your past; not the other way around. And since you are in charge of
your future, then you determine the meaning of your past.
There's nothing you can do to change the past. But you have to respond to
the events of your life. And it's your response, your actions in the future,
which determine the meaning of the events in your past.
So how do you get over the past?
You don't have to get over the past. The past is over! What's important is
the meaning the past has for you
NOW. And the meaning of your past is
determined by your actions in the future.
The people who have the best marriages are people who went through hell in
their relationship. They "got over" their past because they used it
as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situation.
In other words, the painful events inspired them to change themselves and
their marriage. And you can begin this process all alone even without your spouse.
If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth
pains that led to a new and improved marriage. That’s how you "get
over" the past.
It's strange how life works sometimes, and, in fact, when it comes to
relationships, it's usually bad times that awaken people to search for new
ways.
Perhaps you're hurting. But you can rebuild your marriage.
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