6 Ways To Get Closer To Your Spouse When Work Interfere With Your Marriage

A wonderful holiday period has just past, and another is coming around. Yes, this should be a time when couples spend time together, but unfortunately, finding time to enjoy moments and seasons as a family is usually the problem.

This is true because so many things are demanding for our time. From football matches to other games; from homework and class projects to school plays, church programmes; and on top of the everyday chores and to-do lists at work, people tend to get and feel distant from their spouses – because they are pulled in a million different directions.

For married people, this is certainly cause problems. This leads to loads of worldly pressures and anxiety.  

When your holiday and other schedules, which seem to be dominated by the demands of parenting, stretch our marriages and spiritual lives, it’s time to take a closer look. Yes, it is a problem; but it’s not one without a solution. 

Here are six things to consider to fine tune your life, for the sake of your marriage and to have a sound spiritual life and good career.

1.         Sometimes, it's okay to say no:

Most of us extend ourselves beyond capacity. That’s because it can be hard to say no. Often our hearts are in the right place. We are doing good things. But sometimes we need to make sure we are saying yes to only the things that are truly important, and declining on the things that are ultimately inconsequential. 

This could also mean saying no to your children. You obviously can’t spend your days visiting every playground in town just because your holidaying kids want to do so.

2.         Prioritize and guard dinner time:

There should be a time each day in the life of your family that is sacred. For many, late sports practices or games, hectic work travel schedules and more can keep this from becoming consistent. But, there’s not a much better way for a family to grow closer together than to have the consistency of breaking bread together around the same dinner table.

3.         Make Date Night important:

To remain connected to your spouse, date night has to be a priority. This can be easier said than done. It doesn't happen near enough in our house. But, if you are able to get out of the house together, it’s a beautiful time of reconnecting with each other. 

It enables a couple to see each other as husband and wife, not the roles we play as dad and mom the rest of the time.

4.         Keep Conversations alive:

Any growing relationship has to be watered, and there’s no better nourishment than conversation. 

Interpersonal relationships are built by communication, same as marriage. When we lack communication, it’s hard for us to truly know each other. Spend time daily conversing with your spouse and your children, and with God.

5.         In Marriage, compromise is King:

If the rule in your house is “it’s my way, or the highway,” then you might need to hitchhike your way to a better plan. 

You can’t always do what YOU want to do. This means, you have to take your daughter to her friends’ birthday parties when you would rather be watching football. 

For the wife, it means she occasionally watches football when she’d rather watch a soap opera. And for the kids, it means they have to go home early from the park so their baby brother can take a nap. 

Compromise isn’t a bad word; it’s mandatory in a happy home!

6.         Don’t be fixated; unplug:

We are so connected to the world around us, and this easily gets us disconnected from the home we live in. 

We are constantly checking our phones for new emails, updated news headlines and sports scores. This certainly doesn’t bring us closer to God and our spouse. 

What we read today on Facebook or Twitter, or see on Instagram or Pinterest, isn’t going to drastically change our lives for the better. Every minute you spend playing games online is a minute you could pour into your spouse or kids. 

We need to regularly force ourselves to disconnect from the electronic devices, and connect with our families instead.

There’s no doubt that family problems, busy schedules and everyday concerns can pull you away from God and your spouse. Don’t let the hectic nature of life – especially your work schedules - lead you to burnout, both at home and at work!

Adapted form Brent Rinehart ‘s

5 Unfailing Truths That Can Completely Save Your Marriage

There are countless homes and marriages experiencing one crisis or the other and it is as if, as a woman once asked me, “Can’t marriages ever be without problem?”

As strange as it may seem, the everyday couples we find today are seemingly in two categories – those in marital crisis; and those about to get into crisis. In fact marital struggles are everywhere and they are not unique to certain people.

But does it mean there can never be joy in marriage? Can marriages be immune from crisis or how can they be salvaged?

Here are five proven truths that save marriage:

1.         Your spouse does not have the capacity to meet all your emotional needs:

The surest way to court disaster in marriage is for a wife to expect her husband to be the all-in-all is a formula for disaster. 

A lot of women marry with the intent of shifting the burden of life and living onto their husbands. Your spouse is not an expect route to challenges of life.

Do your spouse a favor and look to God to be your "spiritual husband" and take some of that load of his shoulders. This will take a tremendous load of expectation off of him and it will help you be a confident, capable wife who can get through whatever life and marriage brings your way. 

2.         Marriage is not only about happiness:

I am sure you married because you believed your partner would make you happier than if you remained single. This is basic assumption many people enter into marriage with. 

But God's original intention for marriage is more about sacrifice than making you happy. Marriage is a place where daily practice dying to self. It is a theatre of sacrifice and compromise. It is a field in which we can practice love, even when we don't feel like it. 

Happiness is not a result of how someone else treats you. Your level of contentment is a choice that must be made by you or a heart condition that must be altered. 

Marriage is the training ground for sublime and total love and self-effacing character. And the best person to teach you how to love another unconditionally is the partner you are living with in very close quarters.

3.         Disappointment is inevitable because we're all incomplete and not perfect

This is one of the most realistic perspectives to marriage. Nobody can essentially make you complete or perfect. Only God can fix us. It is beyond a new life, a new wife or a new perspective; and not even a new you. 

Imperfections will always remain in us. We would keep hurting and disappointing one another in marriage because with all the new, there's still the same old broken you. 

Just as your spouse has disappointed you, you, too, have disappointed your spouse. It goes both ways. That's why grace is the glue that holds the two of you together. 

Once you realize you are just as much an imperfect fellow or sinner as your spouse, you will extend grace toward him or her more easily. 

4.         Divorce is not always a solution. The grass is NOT greener on the other side:

We tend to look at other situations that are less familiar to us and imagine the best. I am sure you too would have looked at your fiancé years ago and imagined the best possible scenario with him. Then reality happened. 

Your spouse has flaws. So does the nice-looking man or woman across the street or the recently divorced woman in your office or the very capable single mom or dad you met in the school parking lot. 

Doesn't it make sense to continue to invest in the person you've invested years in than to start all over with someone else's issues, baggage, past, and problems?

5.         Integrity always pays off:

Are you a person of your word? Did you say "forever"? Did you promise commitment even in sickness and in health? Alzheimer’s and dementia are a sickness. So is addiction. 

So, even if your spouse doesn't remember you or isn't behaving the "same" as when you married, or is truly trying to stop a destructive behavior but can't, you still made a promise. 

Even if the two of you have grown apart, you still made a commitment. Even if your heart doesn't feel the same you still made a vow before God and witnesses to be in this "'till death do us part." (And that doesn't mean "death" of your feelings.) 

I'm so glad God doesn't drop us when we begin acting differently than when we first committed to him. Grace is undeserved favor. And God expects us to show it to others in the same degree it has been measured out to us.

Of course, there are certain behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable in marriage, such as abuse and sexual unfaithfulness. Some of the most powerful marital testimonies I've seen and heard have been those who started to walk away because of "irreconcilable differences" but then saw the God of reconciliation bring them back together....once they extended grace and love of another kind (and in many cases when counseling and a repentant heart helped reverse some destructive behavior).

Inasmuch as it depends on you, are you willing to forgive, extend grace, and do what is necessary for the marriage to work? God always honors the man or woman "who keeps his word whatever the cost". And I know, my friend; sometimes it hurts.

Marriage disappoints at times, just like any relationship. But God never disappoints. Put your hope in him - and his promises - and see what he can pull you through.

And if your marriage is one that couldn't be saved - or you are dealing with behaviors that are destructive to the marriage, or your spouse was not committed to making it work as you had hoped - God can still redeem the pieces of your life and turn your story into something beautiful.

Adapted from Cindi McMenamin 

Marriage Alive Husband & Wife of The Month - Winners

 MARRIAGE ALIVE HUSBAND AND WIFE OF THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER, 2015 

 

Mrs. Oluwaseyi Adetutu Shobayo is a mother of 3, a banker and is married to Tunji Olubayo, the Senior Pastor, Eternal Glory Assembly, Akute, Lagos. They make their home in Lagos. 

She recently turned 40.

“Seyi (funmitanminikansoso) is the "Wife" of my youth; my closest friend; one and only lover, sister, and the perfect match and companion for me. She is disciplined, uncompromisingly truthful, very industrious, and an addicted and incurable giver.  She is a woman of prayer and a true lover of God. With her, I have the peace of mind and the motivation to pursue and actualize my dream and the call of God on my life. Indeed, my Seyi is a beautiful lady with an elegant carriage. I couldn't have wished for any other woman better than Seyi!”
 -Tunji Olubayo

Mr. Doyin Awe is married Olaide Ayonrinde Awe. They live in Atlanta Georgia, USA.“My dear husband, thank u for trusting and believing in me. You have made me forgot my past and brought out the best in me. You have given me a new life, new name and new home.
Doyin, you are my strength and joy; my soldier and courage. With you by my side, I can face the world. With you I have learnt to be submissive, loyal, kinder, more romantic, loving, giving, more accommodating, humorous and patient. “Thanks for giving me joy, love, laffta, peace, passion and promises. These are d best days of my life. You saved me, love me and you married me! For all these things you have given, MY HEART, I say thank you Lord for His gift of love to us. Doyin Awe, I love you, I love all our children and I love God”.   

- Your wife, Mrs Olaide Ayonrinde Awe 

How Couples Can Enter The New Year As A Team

I guess you and your spouse wishes to begin the New Year on a sound footing? But wishes alone or late night kisses just won’t do!

Beginning from now, you can and should join hands and pull together to ensure you finish the year as a tag-team. This is how to run the race:

1.         Don’t Be Tied To Last Year

There might have been several issues that troubled you and your spouse - from finances to children upkeep.

But you can both move on into the New Year pulling together afresh. Perhaps last year was rough on your marriage as a result of financial issues, health challenges, or relational struggles. Yes, you might face some of these issues again in the coming year, but be determine to make peace with last year’s events.

What this means is: Decide together to see these challenges not just as annoyances, but as opportunities for growth, both individually and as a couple. How can you achieve this?

·        Sit down together and reflect.

·        Talk about how the struggles you faced wore on you, and also how they made you stronger.

·        Consider times when you let them divide you rather than unite you and discuss how you could do better next time.

·        Resolve that in the coming year, you’ll try to face difficulties with an “us vs. the problem” attitude instead of a “me vs. you” mentality.

2.         Lighten Your Heart More

Don’t let life way you down or get you discouraged to the extent of picking on your spouse. When such feelings come, go watch a movie or find a way to relax together and drive away frustration.

Decide together to approach the coming year with a sense of lightheartedness. While this point to the ability to laugh together at things like colds and coughs, don’t stop there.

Also don’t allow your heart to be weighed down by grudges towards one another.

If you’ve kept a record of the several ways your spouse has perhaps failed, disappointed, or hurt you in the past, determine to let these things go – either personally or, if they are deeper issues, through the help of a trusted counselor or prayer, determine that this year you won’t keep a “record of wrongs.”

Rather, make up your mind:

§    That you will strive to not be so easily offended

§    to do your best to overlook offenses

§    To seek to be a team instead of a lone ranger

 

3.         Get on the Same Page with your spouse

As the year begins, some many people make resolutions and plans to move forward or achieve something. Some plan to pay off their debts and to be more purposeful in life and even concerning romance in their marriage.

What about you? Are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to your hopes and dreams for the next twelve months? Have you agreed about what you want to achieve?

A sure way to get on the same page is to brainstorm together. Sit down together to make a list. Jot down what you desire the new year to hold for you as an individual and as a couple.

It is best to make your own list first as an individual before you jointly make one. Be honest about it and indicate your personal hopes and desires.

After your own list, come together and discuss the both or more lists. Identify:

§    What items are common?

§    Which ones are unique?

§    And what are some practical ways you can work together to accomplish these things?

As a couple, make up your mind that this year, no matter what challenges come your way, you would face them together as one.  Decide that in your marriage, this is a year of “Team Us; Together We Stand!”

10 Things ‘Good Partners’ Say to Each Other

In marriage, a lot of things are said and not said that goes a long way to shape homes.  It's not just what you say, but also how you say it.

But knowing a few basic phrases can help teach you the skills to communicate effectively in marriage. 

And knowing the right inflection is also critical. That is, what tones do you use to address your partner?

Note that, you can say one thing, but if you change the intonation, it becomes completely different. It can have a completely different sub-message. Inflection can get people in trouble all the time.

If you want your relationship to last longer than the average everyday one, you need to practice these tips.

1.         "We're In This Together"

Yes, marriage is full of challenges. If your spouse tells you he lost his job, for example, you have less than five seconds to react in a way that bonds you and proves that your relationship is stronger than any difficulties.

2.         "You're Better At This Than I Am"

It is a huge asset to a relationship if both partners can own up to their weaknesses. If he's better in the kitchen, don't try to manage; step aside and thank him for cooking you something delicious. If she is better at keeping money, hand the budgeting and daily financial management to her. Yes, you are still the boss!

3.         "I'm Angry"

A lot of people often say “I am not angry” just to avoid arguing. But that only prolongs a situation. Being able to express your emotions precisely and honestly gets you where you need to go faster. Say it the way it is in love!

4.         "Please Tell Me What's Going On"                                                                              

This is the best thing you can say to open doors in an argument. It lets your partner know you're present, you're listening, and you want him to talk to you.

5.         Anything You Say Face-to-face

We live in an age where people tell computers and iPhones how they feel. Reading I'm sorry you're sad doesn't have the same effect as hearing those words and seeing the empathy. Couples who are actually there for each other, physically and emotionally, are much closer.

6.         "Give Me A Few Moments To Calm Down, And I'll Be Able To Listen Better"

Whenever any interaction between two people who care for each other begins to get louder, faster, or more painful, it is always better to ask for a cool-down period. In that period of quiet, both partners can focus on what they value in each other, and how they would like to feel when the interaction is over.

7.         "Thank You For Always Reminding Me That I'm Important To You"

In many relationships, positive comments are thought, but it's the negative ones that get expressed. It only takes a moment - and a few negative words - to hurt someone, but it will take much longer to do damage control.

It also only takes a moment to tell a partner something you love about him or her, and there won't be any need for damage control."

8.         "No Matter How Angry I Get, My Heart Still Loves You So Much"

When outbursts occur, they are usually egocentric and don't take into consideration the feelings of the person on the other end.

It is only when things settle that a partner may realize what he or she has done to hurt the other. The willingness to immediately show remorse for that damage can go a long way toward rapid repair."

9.         "What Can I Do To Make You Feel Better?"

When one partner seems down or frustrated about something, he or she may express those internal feelings as irritation with the other partner.

Don't respond to the inflammatory remark; instead, ask what can be done to help in the moment. The situation will soften, and a solution will replace distress.

10.       "I Would Always Prefer You're Honest With Me"

Honesty is not an excuse for meanness. The point of learning to be honest is so you can better understand each other and will be able to predict and prepare for behaviors that could be painfully surprising if they remained hidden.

Have You Ever Taken Time To Just Be A Husband Or A Wife? 15 Minutes Each Day Is Enough

 

The present day realities where both spouses must work to keep the home going creates a lot of demand on couples and their marriages that many hardly have enough time for themselves. 

With work, kids, family, domestic chores, cooking, extracurricular activities, social engagements and so many other activities and tasks competing for attention and time, what time do couples have each day for anything else?

Fortunately, there is a solution. The answer to this is to commit just 1% of the time our available each day to being a couple. And that time is just 15 minutes each day. It is Couple Time Out!

The Couple Time Out is Essential

You need to make some time each day to be a couple instead of parents, employees and whatever other roles you play each day.

Your marriage is more important than your children or your career, so you need to start nourishing it.

Your marriage must come second (just behind your relationship with God if you share that belief), and it cannot be allowed to slide to any less priority in your everyday life.

And 15 Minutes is all it really takes!

Find 15 minutes just to sit without distractions and talk to your spouse about your day, your thoughts, your dreams and whatever else you feel like sharing as long as you are engaged in an intimate conversation.

And please be sure that your conversation doesn’t revolve around things that need to be done around the house, the kids’ school activities or any other “responsible” meeting topics.

This time is for you to talk about your individual thoughts and your desires as a couple, as husband and wife.

Yes, You Can Create the Time

The first step in this fun little adventure in romance is to identify where you’ll find your 15 minutes.

Well, it starts with the right perspective.

What if you found out that you had to spend 15 minutes each day getting a medical treatment that you needed to survive? Won’t you do it?

Less dramatically, what if you could voluntarily give this time to help your spouse achieve a great deal of happiness? Or pump up your own happiness, get rid of stress and feel fulfilled?

You can find the time. After all, we are literally only talking about 1% of your day here!

To help you begin, here are some areas where you might be able to find some time to cut from:

• Watch less television and movies (Let the movie - magic be your spouse)
• Cut out 15 minutes of needless and mindless web surfing (the web never runs away!)
• Check Facebook less often or put whatsapp aside for a while
• Focus at work so you can leave a bit earlier to get home on time
• Only check your email twice per day (this can be a HUGE time saver)
• Cut down on video games
• Exercise at home with your spouse instead of driving to the gym
• Put the kids to bed 15 minutes early
• Wake up 15 minutes early

Your other responsibilities can easily wait for a small 15 minutes. Note that this is your sacred time for each other and the key to staying connected in your marriage. Don’t trade it for the world!

Let your goal be focused on appreciating each other as a couple for at least a short time each week. Spending just 15 minutes being a couple each day will make you feel closer than ever.

Truly, it’s not hard to be Romantic after all!