5 Unfailing Truths That Can Completely Save Your Marriage

There are countless homes and marriages experiencing one crisis or the other and it is as if, as a woman once asked me, “Can’t marriages ever be without problem?”

As strange as it may seem, the everyday couples we find today are seemingly in two categories – those in marital crisis; and those about to get into crisis. In fact marital struggles are everywhere and they are not unique to certain people.

But does it mean there can never be joy in marriage? Can marriages be immune from crisis or how can they be salvaged?

Here are five proven truths that save marriage:

1.         Your spouse does not have the capacity to meet all your emotional needs:

The surest way to court disaster in marriage is for a wife to expect her husband to be the all-in-all is a formula for disaster. 

A lot of women marry with the intent of shifting the burden of life and living onto their husbands. Your spouse is not an expect route to challenges of life.

Do your spouse a favor and look to God to be your "spiritual husband" and take some of that load of his shoulders. This will take a tremendous load of expectation off of him and it will help you be a confident, capable wife who can get through whatever life and marriage brings your way. 

2.         Marriage is not only about happiness:

I am sure you married because you believed your partner would make you happier than if you remained single. This is basic assumption many people enter into marriage with. 

But God's original intention for marriage is more about sacrifice than making you happy. Marriage is a place where daily practice dying to self. It is a theatre of sacrifice and compromise. It is a field in which we can practice love, even when we don't feel like it. 

Happiness is not a result of how someone else treats you. Your level of contentment is a choice that must be made by you or a heart condition that must be altered. 

Marriage is the training ground for sublime and total love and self-effacing character. And the best person to teach you how to love another unconditionally is the partner you are living with in very close quarters.

3.         Disappointment is inevitable because we're all incomplete and not perfect

This is one of the most realistic perspectives to marriage. Nobody can essentially make you complete or perfect. Only God can fix us. It is beyond a new life, a new wife or a new perspective; and not even a new you. 

Imperfections will always remain in us. We would keep hurting and disappointing one another in marriage because with all the new, there's still the same old broken you. 

Just as your spouse has disappointed you, you, too, have disappointed your spouse. It goes both ways. That's why grace is the glue that holds the two of you together. 

Once you realize you are just as much an imperfect fellow or sinner as your spouse, you will extend grace toward him or her more easily. 

4.         Divorce is not always a solution. The grass is NOT greener on the other side:

We tend to look at other situations that are less familiar to us and imagine the best. I am sure you too would have looked at your fiancé years ago and imagined the best possible scenario with him. Then reality happened. 

Your spouse has flaws. So does the nice-looking man or woman across the street or the recently divorced woman in your office or the very capable single mom or dad you met in the school parking lot. 

Doesn't it make sense to continue to invest in the person you've invested years in than to start all over with someone else's issues, baggage, past, and problems?

5.         Integrity always pays off:

Are you a person of your word? Did you say "forever"? Did you promise commitment even in sickness and in health? Alzheimer’s and dementia are a sickness. So is addiction. 

So, even if your spouse doesn't remember you or isn't behaving the "same" as when you married, or is truly trying to stop a destructive behavior but can't, you still made a promise. 

Even if the two of you have grown apart, you still made a commitment. Even if your heart doesn't feel the same you still made a vow before God and witnesses to be in this "'till death do us part." (And that doesn't mean "death" of your feelings.) 

I'm so glad God doesn't drop us when we begin acting differently than when we first committed to him. Grace is undeserved favor. And God expects us to show it to others in the same degree it has been measured out to us.

Of course, there are certain behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable in marriage, such as abuse and sexual unfaithfulness. Some of the most powerful marital testimonies I've seen and heard have been those who started to walk away because of "irreconcilable differences" but then saw the God of reconciliation bring them back together....once they extended grace and love of another kind (and in many cases when counseling and a repentant heart helped reverse some destructive behavior).

Inasmuch as it depends on you, are you willing to forgive, extend grace, and do what is necessary for the marriage to work? God always honors the man or woman "who keeps his word whatever the cost". And I know, my friend; sometimes it hurts.

Marriage disappoints at times, just like any relationship. But God never disappoints. Put your hope in him - and his promises - and see what he can pull you through.

And if your marriage is one that couldn't be saved - or you are dealing with behaviors that are destructive to the marriage, or your spouse was not committed to making it work as you had hoped - God can still redeem the pieces of your life and turn your story into something beautiful.

Adapted from Cindi McMenamin 

Saving An Abusive Marriage

 

Marriage is one of the best things that can happen to a man or woman. But many marriages end in bitterness, frustration and sorrow because of abusive tendencies of spouses.

An abusive marriage is one where your partner emotionally or physically abuses you. It may be stressful to deal with such problem. Your marital relations are affected a lot due to the physical, emotional or sexual abuse by your partner. You may be troubled by such abuse as it can leave a high impact on your physical and psychological conditions.

But, before you take any harsh decision like having a divorce, try to find out the solutions and think about how to save an abusive marriage. 

The abuse in marriage may be emotional, physical, economical or sexual.

The emotional and verbal abuse involves the use of insulting words; rejection, ignorance, terrorizing, and/or isolation, which may lead to inferiority complex in affected spouse.

Abuses may be in form of economical abuses such as refusing to buy necessities, controlling all bank accounts, stealing money from your account, refusing an access to credit cards or confiscation of monetary gifts.

Physical abuse on its part includes battering, biting, injuring and causing burn injuries.

How do you know your partner is becoming abusive?

There are warning signs you should watch out for:  

• may push the relationship too fast
• demands your attention at all times
• may be very competitive
• feels jealousy about your family members and friends
• switches between extreme low and high moods.

Abuse can cause very harmful conditions which may badly affects the physical and psychological status of a person. The victim may get extremely terrified and disturbed and may lose psychological balance.

The effects of abuse may be depressing and longer-lasting. Hence, it is not easy to deal with an abusing partner. If you do not want to break marital relations, then you need to start working on how to save an abuse marriage. It is not easy one; you need a lot of patience and tolerance for that. 

When you are facing the tough decision of how to save an abusive marriage, the first step you should take is to find out the cause of the abuse. You may consult a counselor who can help you to understand the causes of misbehavior of your partner. If necessary, you can take your partner to the psychiatric to seek the treatment.

Self-assessment is one of the important solutions to the question how to save an abusive marriage. Try to find out your drawbacks and mistakes and try to overcome them. Know about the things that your partner does not like and avoid to do them.

Go for outing with your partner to change his/her mood.

Communication with your partner is an important factor to solve this problem. You should keep taking to your partner about his/her behavior and affectionately convince him/her to avoid it.

Make your partner to realize that you still love and need him/her. Once your partner understands your passion, he/she will try to develop improvements in his/her behavior and think not to hurt you by abusing.

Carefully handle the problem regarding how to save an abusive marriage and bring your married life back to its comfortable state.

How Can I Alone Save My Marriage?

Marriage is one of the happiest happenings in our lives. But marriage involves a day by day devotion if it is to survive the challenges of life. Yes, we may have wedded a partner but we need to be committed to keeping our marital vows afresh on a daily basis.

The unfortunate question asked by many couples today is, “Can I save my marriage alone? This is true because many couples are facing so many problems in their married life.

The first few years of married life are usually cheerful. But after some years, problems may arise due to conflicts, bitterness, misunderstandings or unfulfilled expectations.

Generally, nobody directly thinks of breaking a marriage as it is hurting to both the partners. Every couple tries to find out some ways to resolve the problems in their married life and save their marriage.

Once you agree that there are some problems in your married life, you may need to think and find the reasons why. Of-course, it will be just like a one-way traffic and it is quite difficult that you alone should try to improve your relationship.

Your partner should equally respond to your efforts to save your marriage. However, you must make some efforts to find out the problems in your home and develop some qualities within you to maintain a better relationship.

The first step you may need to take in order to save your marriage is to bring back the spark in your relationship again. It is very important to spend time with each other. You may use this time to relax and enjoy in each other’s company and recall the moments that you had spent together.

This may help to remove the misunderstandings and resolve the conflict, if any. You should show deep love for your partner and make him/her feel how much you need him/her.

Love is an important bridge in a married life that may keep the couple bound together. You may send a romantic message to your partner or arrange for the romantic outings.

Self-assessment is a very important solution to the question can you save a marriage alone. You should be able to realize your mistakes and develop ways to improve your behavior. Avoid the things that may hurt your partner. The conflicts in married life may be due to ego or some misunderstandings. Hence, you should kill your ego and should take the initiative to resolve the problems in your married life. You should be ready for the compromises it demands.

Good communication is a very important factor for developing healthy relationships. You should share all your problems, expectations and feelings with your partner. Communication is not limited to just talking with others, but you should be able to listen to your partner and understand him/ her. The most important thing is that you should fully trust your partner and have faith in your relationship.

Keeping the marital relations alive is very challenging. Always remember that during the course of time, both partners may change. It is also very important to learn how to deal with these changes. Of-course, it requires efforts and cooperation from both sides. But, endeavour to take the initiative and start to work on the problems in your home.

If you are still wondering, if you can save your marriage alone, the answer is yes! You can save a marriage alone if you are ready to put in some efforts first.

4 Things You Can Do to Help Save A Hard Marriage

 

1.         Be Honest With Yourself

What is the true state of your marriage? Is there unfaithfulness, lying, addiction or abuse, on either of your parts?

§    How often do you fight? How do the fights end?

§    When was the last time you had sex?

§    What hang-over follow you around each day?

§    How is your walk with God?

§    How is your husband’s? Would people be shocked at the true state of your relationship if they could really see what goes on behind closed doors?

Basically, take a marriage record. Even if it’s painful to see it in black and white, write it all down. Don’t pretend.

2.         Be Honest With God
You may be displeased with God and avoid seeking Him because you feel like He hasn’t come through for you or that He stopped listening to your prayers. Yes, we sometimes get to that point.

But God knows your heart better than you do. He knows your spouse better than you do. He wants what’s best for both of you. He wants you both to be whole. So lay it all out before Him once and for all.

3.         Be Honest To Share With Someone, Be It A Pastor, Counselor, Etc
This may be hard for some people to do, because for some of us are good at pretending and are masters at faking peaceful homes. Some isolate themselves, and even though they are married, they are actually partner-less.


If this is you, look around your life and take stock of people who you can trust with your heart, then share it. Choose wisely.

You must realize that in a normal marriage, couples may experience occasional frictions and little bumps, twists and setbacks. But in a “hard marriage” pain and suffering is a daily affair. You need to find someone who knows the difference and will address your unique situation.

4.         Be Honest With Your Spouse
This may not easy and perhaps it might be the most challenging thing you would do to save your home depending on the variables in your relationship.

Go ahead and do the things that will make your spouse happy. As a husband, buy her a special dress, shoe, or something you know she cherishes. As a wife, make your husband his favorite dinners. Sure, keep ironing his shirts. These are nothing new, but are necessary aspect marriage.

Your situation is different. Your goal is to win your spouse back and save your home. It calls fordoing things differently. Yes, it is time for a different list, different from the daily usual routine.  Note that your marriage needs to be handled carefully. And lastly, pray for each other and for your marriage.