5 Things Not To Do To Keep Your Marriage Happy

Marriage essentially brings two different people together and fuses them as one. And because many people in marriages are people with different backgrounds and upbringings, experiences and expectations, frictions and frustrations sometimes occur.

Hardly would we find a marriage not filled with repentance and apologies along with deep intimacy and companionship, because misunderstandings and feelings of being hurt, bitter, and sometimes anger are necessary baggage of marriage.

Indeed, many couples go through tough times in marriage; but rather than destroy them, such times helped them to discover themselves and made the get more committed to each other.

In the midst of everything, they were able to pull through, essentially because they avoided five things that kill happiness in marriage.

Here are five things not to do to keep your marriage happy: 

1.         Don’t stop praying for your spouse

We only pray for those we wish well. Even when we’re hurt, we don’t stop praying for the one we want to succeed.

Praying for your partner affirms your commitment to them and your belief that together you can forge ahead as a team. It’s in the praying that power is released.

Find creative ways to pray for your spouse and his/her career.

2.         Don’t bear grudges

A grudge is just persistent resentment towards a person due to pain or hurt. And, that grudge can grow and fester until it bleeds even more hurt into a marriage.

Yes you may be the one who is right and offended. But it is better to be one and together with your partner than being right.

3.         Don’t deny your partner sex

Don’t say no to the pursuit of making love in your marriage. Making love together is about a whole lot more than physical intimacy, but physical intimacy is the coming together, the coupling, the connecting. 

You can “make love” by making a cup of tea for your spouse, but making a cup of tea and creating space to physically connect results in different emotions, a different level of uniting.

Making love is like a gift you give to your spouse. And we know that when we give a physical gift, we give it to our partners for them to use as they please.

The reason why many spouses, especially wives withhold sex is perhaps because they are still afraid their husbands will misuse their willingness, and make them feel used. This thinking is wrong in a marriage union.

4.         Don’t take the leadership or feelings of your spouse for granted

Even when we feel like our spouses are lacking, we shouldn’t underestimate the innate abilities God has deposited in them.

If your spouse chooses to follow a direction you are not primed for, hear him/her out. Sometimes, submit to the leadership of your partner.

If you find yourself feeling like you can’t trust your spouse’s decisions, because you feel he or she has misled you in the past or you don’t believe he or she is not just up to it, then I’d suggest you back to point number one: don’t stop praying.

5.         Don’t kill your home with negative talk

We can speak life over our spouses, not calling out their flaws, frustrations, and weaknesses, but calling out the gifts and the goodness that God has deposited within them.

We can speak hope and life, goodness and faith over them instead of death, darkness, and destruction.

Rather than complain, you could say something like, “You always remember to return our movies or feed the fish; you have such a gift of responsibility.”  

When you compliment spouse’s strengths, rather than sing about their shortcomings, it empowers and encourages them, and makes them feel supported.

Adapted from Holly Mthethwa’s