Do You Really Want Your Ex Back or Do You Fear Being Alone?

A relationship break-up is one of the most painful experiences in life to most people. It could either be a couple that breaks up after a few years or a marriage that ends in divorce. Either way, it feels like your heart has been ripped out and left in shreds.

Generally, there’s one party that feels worse than the other. The one who initiates the break up tends to be less hurt because they knew it was coming and made the final decision.

It’s the one getting dumped or divorced who feels the real impact. Not only does the entire relationship feel like a failure but it’s a huge blow to their ego too.

There are two ways to react when you’re thrust in such a situation. You can either accept the break up and move on, or try to work things out with your ex.

The problem here is that the one who got ditched is in a more vulnerable position. Their pain may make them do desperate things like texting their exes multiple times daily or begging for a second chance or resorting to other dramatic displays of desperation while hoping to tug at the heartstrings of the one who left them.

The unfortunate reality is that the more one pleads and begs, the more their ex shuns them. There is a power play at work here and understanding it is of paramount importance.

Never forget that you are a human being who is worthy of love and respect. Do not let your fear of being alone confuse you and make you think that you really want your ex back. All relationships are destined to go through hell, but the really strong ones get through it.

If you’ve been abandoned, it’s usually better to move on and find someone who will love you for who you are. Begging, pleading and cajoling your ex is pointless. A relationship is worth fighting for, but you shouldn’t be the only one doing the fighting.

Find your sense of self and appreciate yourself for who you are. Find new activities to take up your time. Time is your best ally. All pain dissipates with time. You just need to allow yourself the time to recover from the break up.

Forcing a relationship to work is pointless if your ex is not someone that can give you what you want. It’s fine to have a few bad relationships. These will teach you to recognize the good ones when they arrive.

Don’t fear dying single. This is a common fear that millions have. They worry about going through life all alone without a partner to share life with. They then end up hastily picking the wrong people as their partner and life becomes a living hell.

It’s better to let your ex go and understand that the relationship had to happen but it’s now time to move on. At the end of the day, you don’t need someone to complete you. You just need someone to love you completely… and you will find the right partner with time. Have faith.

 

 

Signs Of An Abusive Marriage And How To Protect Yourself

Here are signs that demonstrate that you are in an abusive relationship:

Financial Abuse

If you share your finances, you should both have a say in how you invest and spend your money, where it goes, etc.

You are in an abusive relationship if your spouse will not let you work or takes the money you earn away from you. If he or she will not allow you to further your education or gives you a small allowance that is not enough to live on, then he or she is using money to control your whereabouts and your ability to leave him or her more easily.

Emotional Abuse

Most people are guilty of calling their spouse a name or two in the middle of a heated argument. But if your husband or wife is constantly belittling you – referring to you by offensive names, degrading you in front of others, criticizing your housework or behavior, putting down your appearance, and making you feel badly about yourself, then you are a victim of emotional abuse.

Wearing you down emotionally might make you feel as though no one else will ever love you and that you deserve to be treated badly. No one deserves that.

Stalking/Harassment

Some jealousy in a relationship can be healthy. It’s understandable if your husband would rather you didn’t e-mail your ex-boyfriend now that you’re married. But if he checks all your e-mails and interrogates you about the men with whom you work, friends, or even relatives, then there’s something more sinister going on.

Certainly, if he begins following you to work, the gym, etc. or calling constantly to know exactly what you’re doing, then you have a problem. This is a sign that he wants to control your every move and that he doesn’t trust you. A marriage – or any relationship for that matter – without trust lacks true love and is broken.

Threats to You or Your Family

When your spouse is threatening to hurt you, your family, or your children, you must take it seriously – even if you don’t think he or she would actually follow through.

People would not threaten you if they didn’t want to scare you, which is abuse in and of itself. Plus, what if he or she did make good on the threat? After all, he or she said it. Is that a risk you really want to take?

Sexual Abuse

Fewer people come out and talk about sexual abuse in their romantic relationships and marriages. But it happens. Many boyfriends or husbands force their partner to perform sexual acts that are painful, violent, or make them feel uncomfortable, she adds. If your spouse forces you to do something you don’t want to do, it is abuse and it’s another way to control the relationship and you.

Physical Abuse

Some people say that the abuser did not leave a mark or only lightly slapped them, and he or she apologized and won’t do it again. This is still abuse. And it will probably happen again, she adds.

If your husband hit you once, he’ll likely do it again. You alone can not help him. You must first think about your own safety.

Still, it’s difficult for some people to know when they are in danger.

About 25 percent of 172 couples from Los Angeles who participated in a recent study on couples during their first five years of marriage admitted to getting physically aggressive with one another. Although the researchers in that study explained that what they were researching was not domestic violence, this research makes it easy to see how blurry the line can be.

If you feel threatened or harmed in any way, you need to seek help as soon as possible. Period. That goes for women and men who are abused. It’s rarer – at least in part because of the stigma – but men seek help too.

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