Do You Really Want Your Ex Back or Do You Fear Being Alone?

A relationship break-up is one of the most painful experiences in life to most people. It could either be a couple that breaks up after a few years or a marriage that ends in divorce. Either way, it feels like your heart has been ripped out and left in shreds.

Generally, there’s one party that feels worse than the other. The one who initiates the break up tends to be less hurt because they knew it was coming and made the final decision.

It’s the one getting dumped or divorced who feels the real impact. Not only does the entire relationship feel like a failure but it’s a huge blow to their ego too.

There are two ways to react when you’re thrust in such a situation. You can either accept the break up and move on, or try to work things out with your ex.

The problem here is that the one who got ditched is in a more vulnerable position. Their pain may make them do desperate things like texting their exes multiple times daily or begging for a second chance or resorting to other dramatic displays of desperation while hoping to tug at the heartstrings of the one who left them.

The unfortunate reality is that the more one pleads and begs, the more their ex shuns them. There is a power play at work here and understanding it is of paramount importance.

Never forget that you are a human being who is worthy of love and respect. Do not let your fear of being alone confuse you and make you think that you really want your ex back. All relationships are destined to go through hell, but the really strong ones get through it.

If you’ve been abandoned, it’s usually better to move on and find someone who will love you for who you are. Begging, pleading and cajoling your ex is pointless. A relationship is worth fighting for, but you shouldn’t be the only one doing the fighting.

Find your sense of self and appreciate yourself for who you are. Find new activities to take up your time. Time is your best ally. All pain dissipates with time. You just need to allow yourself the time to recover from the break up.

Forcing a relationship to work is pointless if your ex is not someone that can give you what you want. It’s fine to have a few bad relationships. These will teach you to recognize the good ones when they arrive.

Don’t fear dying single. This is a common fear that millions have. They worry about going through life all alone without a partner to share life with. They then end up hastily picking the wrong people as their partner and life becomes a living hell.

It’s better to let your ex go and understand that the relationship had to happen but it’s now time to move on. At the end of the day, you don’t need someone to complete you. You just need someone to love you completely… and you will find the right partner with time. Have faith.

 

 

DIVORCE CASE: "My Husband Feels I am Am Burden..."

A couple from Kogi State living in Mararaba, Nasarawa state have set for the dissolution of their five year-old marriage.

Sadinatu Adamu, married to Yakubu Abdulmajid, approached the Upper Area Court in Mararaba on Thursday that her husband perceives her a burden on him.

Mrs Adamu in her divorce petition accused Abdulmajid of battery and maltreatment.

“My marriage brought me no peace and happiness.

“I married Abdulmajid in April, 2017 according to Islamic Laws and customs of Ankpa in Kogi and we have two children.

“He beats and humiliates me at the slightest provocation. I cannot take any longer. I am afraid that one day he’ll kill me.

“He refers to me as a burden,” she told the court.

She alleged that he flogs her with sticks and his waist belt.

“I told my husband’s family, but they did not get him to change rather, he threatened to kill me,” she said.

The petitioner pleaded with the court to dissolve the marriage and to compel the respondent to allow her move her remaining belongings from his house.

The respondent, who was present in court, did not object to the allegations levelled against him.

The judge, Mohammed Jibril, however, adjourned the case until Dec. 7 for ruling or consideration of settlement

NAN

Divorce and 2nd Marriages …Digging Ones Grave?

 

When a man falls the first time, it is said that he gets wiser and avoid the pitfalls.  But is running away from a problem the best solution? For marriage relationships, statistics show that this is far from the truth.

It is indeed true that in recent times, a huge number of marriages end in divorce. In some societies, close to 50% of first marriages end in divorce. But what do you expect of second marriages?

It should be less than 50%, right? After all, who would make those same painful mistakes again? People marrying a second time have the "benefit" of knowing what kind of person to pick this time, right?

But the divorce rate for second marriages is 70%! And for third marriages, it’s closer to 80%! That means your chances get worse not better! If you want to quit your marriage and move to another presumably better one, you are courting more trouble for yourself. It is like jumping from frying to fire.

That's right. Because the key to succeeding in marriage is NOT finding the right person; it's YOU becoming the right person.

Did you know that women who finally get out of abusive relationships usually fall in love with another abusive man? Could this be bad luck? No, it's not luck.

Did you know that men whose first wives cheated on them usually get cheated on by their second wife too? How could that be? You'd think that after suffering the torment of infidelity a man would only marry a woman with impeccable morals and unwavering commitment. Yes, that would be the expectation, but it doesn't always work that way.

A man once came to a town and asked the local sage, "I'm thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?"

The sage asked the man, "What kinds of people live in the town you came from?"

"Where I'm from the people are liars, cheaters, and mean hearted," the man responded.

"The people are the same here," said the sage.

Then another man came to town and asked the sage the same question, "I'm thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?"

The sage asked the man, "What kinds of people live in the town you came from?"

"Where I'm from the people are wonderful, kind, and courteous," the man responded.

"The people are the same here," said the sage.

Truly, people are not as you see or perceive them; people are as YOU are.

What do you get when you smile at someone? You get a smile back. And if you stare at someone; you get a stare back. What you get is what you are.

In marriage, your relationship is not simply a function of who you pick; it's also a function of who you are. Who you are and who your spouse is mixes to form the dynamics of your relationship.

I know you want your spouse to change. And YES your marriage would be better if they did. But if you change, it can change things just as well.

In essence, both you and your spouse contribute to the dynamics in your relationship, whatever they are, and both you and your spouse can single-handedly change them.

No matter what your spouse did to cause your marriage to deteriorate, they're responsible. And yes, they should change. But did you not play a role too? I know that's hard to hear. It's a bitter pill to swallow. But once you swallow it, you're no longer a helpless victim; you become empowered to change circumstances that seemed out of your control.

It's easy to confess your spouse's sins. And you're probably correct about what your spouse needs to change. But it does no good to be right. And it's a complete waste of time and energy to focus on your spouse's problems. There's nothing you can do about it. Your spouse will change only when they're ready to change. The only relevant question for you is: What are you changing?

You had a role in the deterioration of your marriage. Hardly is a marital situation caused by one spouse. There's always dual responsibility. What can you do to improve the situation?

Reflect on your past relationships. Do you see a pattern? Look at your parent's marriage. Are you recreating the model you saw when you were a child? Have you explored with a professional the childhood roots of your relationship habits and how they contributed to your marital circumstances?

Even if your spouse had an affair, you're partly responsible. That doesn't mean that it's your fault and it doesn't excuse your spouse's inappropriate behavior, but the question still remains: What was your spouse seeking outside your marriage that was not available within it?

Don't just sit there or attempt to run away. If you want your situation to change, then change it! Do your part. If you change, then everything around you changes too.

Philippines – A land Where Divorce Is Banned!

With attacks raging everywhere against the marriage institution, with divorce rate almost competing with the number of those seeking jobs, it is amazing to hear that there is a nation where divorce is not tolerated.

But is the ban on divorce capable of making marriages better and enjoyable?

The legal “ban” on divorce definitely does not guarantee successful Filipino marriages and of course not everyone is happy. 

On the legislative front, we note that since the Family Code’s publication, that is from the Eighth to the Fifteenth Congress, and up to this day, separate bills were filed singing the same old song: we want a divorce law! 

Other anti-marriage bills have also been abundant. Several legal techniques to liberalize marital law have been forwarded. More exit mechanisms were proposed: a more liberal recognition of foreign divorce, the amplification / re-definition of legal separation, and the liberal legal definition of psychological incapacity.  

Since the dissolution of the bond is not a legal possibility, some couples have resorted to either an annulment of marriage or a judicial declaration of its nullity.  The former invalidates an otherwise valid marriage based on limited grounds while the latter is a proclamation that there was no valid marriage right from the start.  

Among the grounds established is the provision for declaration of nullity based on psychological incapacity of one or both of the spouses. This is the most widely-used ground. 

The Supreme Court has been consistent in stating that the invocation of psychological incapacity is not like divorce as in other jurisdictions, but we note that its very liberal consideration in some lower courts could be contrary to this. 

It even reached a point where it was described as the most liberal divorce law in the world after a judge made a nullity decision grounded on psychological incapacity and cited conjugal differences!

Sure, not every Filipino marriage is a happy marriage.  But there are provisions for a legal separation, with the marriage bond still intact. 

What divorce law supporters really want is to allow the possibility of remarriage. But won’t this completely change how Filipinos understand what marriage is all about?  Is it worth changing the rules for difficult marital situations, thus destroying the dream of what marriage is as a lifetime commitment? 

Isn't this what Pope Francis intimated when he recently told Filipino families that it is "important to dream in the family" and "beware of the new ideological colonisation that tries to destroy the family"?  He actually encouraged Filipinos to look beyond the difficulties that their families experience because they are the country's "greatest treasure", thereby worth protecting.  

As the debates ensue, we need to spend time reflecting on these words and think of what lies ahead.

Culled:

Woman Divorce Husband For Drinking Too Much

Many people break their marriages for many reasons. But for nurse Laraba Thomas, her major reason for asking for divorce was that her husband of 29years was fond of drinking.

She filed divorce, and a Mararaba Grade 1 Area Court, Aso Pada, Nasarawa State, Nigeria on Thursday, dissolved marriage between Laraba Thomas and her husband, Ali Thomas, over his drunkenness. 

Granting Laraba’s wishes, the presiding judge, Mr Albert Maga, said all efforts by the court and family members to reconcile both parties had failed as she had insisted on the divorce.

Maga said “from today, you cease to be husband and wife; this court will rest further deliberations and declare free divorce to both parties.” The petitioner, a resident of Calvary Road, Aso Mararaba, said she wanted a divorce because her husband was looking older than his age due to high intake of alcohol.

She said both of them had been living separately for the past four-and-half years because of her dislike for the quantity of alcohol consumed by her husband. She added that “my husband drinks a lot, in fact, too much; that is why he is looking older than his age.

“My Lord, I want an end to this marriage because I am no longer interested and I do not love him anymore.” The nurse told the court that the marriage was contracted in 1986 and had produced four children. The respondent, however, did not object to the plea of his wife.

“I have nothing to say on her claims since it is her desire to have a divorce; I pray the court to grant her whatever pleases her because I have nothing against her. “We have children with grandchildren; we are supposed to be planning our retirement and how to enjoy together. “I am not young anymore to be fighting over divorce; I am living and waiting for the day God will call me home to Him,’’ the husband said.

Source:

Beyonce Planning Divorce Announcement From Jay Z After Years Of Alleged Cheating!

 

After years of alleged affairs by her hip hop mogul husband, Beyonce is officially planning her divorce announcement from Jay Z, ending their seven year union!

Fans expected an on-stage appearance at the Made In America Festival when it came time for for Jay Z’s rap verse in Beyonce’s hit song “Drunk In Love,” but instead, the married couple did not even feign wedded bliss. After years of suspected infidelity by the father of her three-year-old daughter Blue Ivy, Beyonce has reportedly had it with the entire phony charade. “It’s dead,” an insider told In Touch. “Bey is sick of keeping up the ruse of happiness, and she’s done.”

So done, in fact, that she has not granted a single interview in the past 18 months — or just before her sister Solange had her notorious elevator outburst in which she attacked Jay Z as Beyonce looked on stoically. “It’s like she’s on lockdown and doesn’t want to be asked about her marriage or why she and Jay haven’t had another child after Blue Ivy,” the insider shared. “But in private, she’s already told friends and family that she’s moving forward with her life. She’ll soon make a public announcement that their marriage is over.”

Rumors have swirled for years that Jay-Z has been cheating on Queen Bey with everyone from Rihanna, to Rachel Roy, to Rita Ora, who has vehemently denied having a fling with the rapper. The decision to finally divorce comes weeks after the couple allegedly had a huge blowup leading up to the MTV Video Music Awards. 

“Earlier this summer, Bey found some suspicious texts on Jay’s phone that led her to believe he was having a secret flirtatious communication with one of his [female] proteges,” a source told In Touch. Beyonce’s been on high alert for some time and took her new suspicions to one of Jay Z’s right hand men, who told her she needed to take that up with her husband. To Bey, that was a confirmation of her worst suspicions and fears.”

Then, In Touch reports, things came to a head when Jay Z asked Beyonce to come with him to the VMA’s as a “show of public solidarity.” 

Unable to conceal her disdain, she let her husband know what was on her mind. “She couldn’t figure out why Jay would want to go when they’re at a point where they can barely stand to look at each other. She made a comment about Jay only wanting to go to see Rita Ora and he laughed and twirled his finger in circles around his head, making a sign like Bey was crazy.”

Then, Beyonce reportedly blew up. “[She] demanded to see his phone, but he wouldn’t let her,” the source revealed. “He started screaming back at her, and this went on for 20 minutes until Beyonce pulled herself together and warned Jay that he was messing with the wrong woman. Then she picked up her bag and walked out.”

Now, the source says, the musical diva is crafting a strategy surrounding her next move. “She is fully in charge of how the divorce announcement is going to be made… She is going to play the victim card to the hilt.”

Meanwhile, only time will tell how their daughter will adjust to the split. “Blue Ivy is both a reason to stay married and a reason to divorce, an insider close to the couple said. “While Beyonce knows that Blue needs a father figure, she doesn’t want her to grow up in the same way she did,” referring to her parents’ troubled marriage. “She absolutely wants full custody, although she is fully prepared to offer Jay visitation.”

As RadarOnline.com has reported, the pending divorce battle is not the only court drama that Jay Z has on his docket. His alleged lovechild filed a civil lawsuit in March demanding that the rapper to submit to a paternity test to prove whether or not he is the aspiring rapper’s father. 

He is also being sued by an Egyptian composer who claims that Jay Z improperly appropriated his relative’s flute sample for the 1999 song “Big Pimpin” — a legal debacle that could lead to an investigation revealing unsavory details that could add further fuel to Beyonce’s fire. 

“The last thing Jay wants is for the courts to do a forensic accounting audit of his finances,” a source insisted. “It will open up the flood gates to everything he’s hiding. The details that could be revealed are so mind-blowing, I don’t think Beyonce would be able to handle the betrayal.”

Source:

Can You Divorce Your Husband Because He Got Big Belly?

 Perhaps divorce has become so commonplace that a Kuwait woman divorced her husband because of his big belly. According to her, his big belly obstructs him from performing his marital duty.

The woman told court that she had repeatedly asked her husband to follow a diet to bring his weight down but he would not listen.

“The woman told court that her husband cannot perform his martial duties properly because of his big belly,” Al Rai Al-Am daily said.

“She said that she had asked him to divorce her but he refused, prompting her to come to court”.

According to reports, the court granted her a divorce after several sessions.

Very soon we may hear of divorce based on a snoring spouse. I wonder where we are heading to!