The
holidays can bring out such intense sides to people’s personalities. We gather
to malls and store aisles to wrestle one-another like gladiators for deals. The
shopping hustle and bustle continues for another six weeks, stretching over
Christmas and finally to the New Year.
For
couples and for marriages, the rush, the expectations, the schedule and the buzz
can really be stressful and capable of becoming explosive.
Many
people wish their spouse turned magically into Mr. or Mrs. Clause and have a
solution to all of life’s issues and settle them once and for all during the
yuletide. At least it is a time for celebrations!
Indeed,
a lot of marriages and families struggle with the extremes these celebrations
bring out of. But can have a great season in spite of the stress it brings.
Here’s
a few tips to help you have an enjoyable season as a couple:
1. Listen to each
other:
Whenever
frustrations are bubbling near the surface, mentally slow-down and choose to
engage in actively listening to each other.
More
often than not, the most frustrating part of a conflict is not that we see
things differently, but that we feel un-heard and misunderstood.
If
she’s buying too many presents, listen to her heart and find out why. If he’s want
designer blazer, there is a reason. Listen to each other and search out each
other’s motivations and heart behind the issues.
Listening
might actually help your spouse understand why they are doing certain things.
2. Remember you are
partners - a team:
Commit
to being more committed to your spouse than to your plans, expectations or yuletide
dreams.
Stop
comparing your spouse or have desires you find in other people for Christmas or
New Year holiday. You married a unique person who can only be who God made them
to be!
No
matter how fascinating our yuletide wishes may be, they don’t measure to the
value of our spouse and our relationship with them.
This
season holiday shouldn’t be a time to misplace your treasure by valuing plans
over people and relationships, especially with your spouse.
3. Plan together:
While
we want to avoid putting plans above people, we can steer clear of unnecessary
headaches by coming to an understanding and agreement about holiday plans.
A husband
may have his own expectations for the New Year season while the wife may have a
completely different one. And it is so easy for the hustle and bustle to begin
and before you know it, the calendar is full and no one knows how it got that
way!
The
best way to go is to sit down and make a prioritized list of time and budget
plans.
Making
plans well ahead helps you cut unnecessary costs, prevents accidental debit
overcharges and keeps out disagreements over the Christmas spending.
A
simple counsel in the bible asks, “Do two
walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3, NIV)
4. Stay focused:
If we
choose to celebrate Christmas as the birthday of Jesus, then HE should be the
highest priority in how we budget our time, finances and Christmas activities.
This
simply means too your celebration and priority should reflect His love, joy and
peace than: my spouse didn’t fix the house or clean the furniture; that the
cookies turn out just perfect or that all my presents are wrapped to
perfection.
Disappointments may come; but look for the good, look for the positives,
look for the good of your family, and practice letting go of the little things.
Don’t
let small disappointments - like the potluck dish that spills all over the back
seat, like the cake got messed up or the family squabbles over who hosts
Christmas.
The
Christmas season offers ample practice to overlook our disappointments and stay
focused on providing joy for our partners and loved ones.
May
your marriage shine bright with the love, joy and peace that come from knowing
the One we truly celebrate!
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