Bringing Fresh Light To Your Relationship (It’s Time To Change The Light Bulb)

One reason why couples have conflict in marriage is insisting on seeing things from their on perspective –”It must be my way or no show”! But marriage, like a lot of things cannot run successfully that way especially when it comes to the way we talk and see things.

Relationship is a give and take environment. You can never seek to have things your own way and expect to have a fruitful marriage. Success in relationship especially marriage requires the ability of seeing things from the other person’s view.

Remember, too that, "No matter how flat you make a pancake or ‘Akara’, it still has two sides."

Seeing things from your spouse's perspective - even when you know you're right - is one of the quickest and most direct routes to finding common ground.

Just like your home looks different in different lights - be it the glow of dawn, the glare of the bright afternoon sun or the flicker of overhead lights in the evening - your perspectives on any issue are affected by your life experiences, beliefs and emotions.

Sometimes these things get in the way and cloud your view, giving you a distorted perspective; sometimes neither person's perspective is right or wrong. But taking the time to see someone else's perspective shows respect for their viewpoint and breaks down defenses that can get in the way of finding a resolution.

All of that is easier to accept in theory than it is to put into practice, though. It's a lot harder to actually step back and see someone else's perspective while emotions are running high and passions are ignited.

To start, take the emotion out of it. It may mean shelving a conversation until everyone has had a chance to calm down and regroup, and that's okay.

When you've calmed down, find a quiet place and think through your spouse's perspective. You could take this even farther and actually try to argue their side, which will give you an intimate look into their viewpoint.

The next time the conversation comes up, start from common ground, and share where your perspectives align before you explain where they still differ.

Seeing things from each other's perspective is not a guarantee that you'll agree. In fact, chances are pretty good that you'll still have areas where you continue to disagree even after you understand your spouse's perspective.

But it does provide a foundation for growing in your relationship as you work through disagreements together rather than building a wall as you each fight to defend your own position.