I Hate Sex - 1 (Sexual Aversion In Marriage)

Sexual compatibility is very important in most marriages. On rare occasions would you find a couple happily married without any sex whatsoever, but in most cases, the quality of sex determines the quality of marriage.

When a couple's sexual relationship begins to suffer, the marriage is usually suffering. But when a sexual relationship is thriving, the marriage is also thriving. 

Usually it's the husband who has the greatest need for sex, but that isn't always the case. It is not strange to find increasing numbers of wives who need sexual fulfillment more than their husbands. 

However, whether it is the husband or the wife that has the greater need for sex, the one with lesser need is at risk for a sexual aversion. 

In an effort to satisfy the spouse with the greater need for sex, the spouse with the lesser need often sacrifices his or her own emotional reactions. Instead of sex being an experience that they both enjoy together, sex becomes enjoyable only for the one with the greatest need. And it can become a nightmare for the other spouse. 

In so many marriages, sacrifice or trying to please the other party leads to a sexual aversion, which, in turn, leads to no sex at all.

What Is an Aversive Reaction?

An aversion is a negative emotional reaction that's been conditioned to a behavior. In other words, if you have bad experiences doing something, you will learn to associate those bad experiences with the task. The very thought of it will eventually create anxiety and unhappiness, and then doing it will make matters even worse. 

It is like beating your pet dog or cat every time you feed it. The poor animal will not necessarily stop eating food; butt it will become very nervous whenever it does.

That is what sex aversion does to humans.

Sex is a very common aversion in marriage. Suppose a husband is upset with the frequency and manner in which his wife makes love to him. Instead of solving the problem with thoughtfulness and understanding, he becomes verbally and physically abusive whenever sex isn't to his liking. 

He may not be abusive every time he makes love, and he may be very sensitive on almost every occasion. But whether his abuse is frequent or infrequent, his wife is likely to associate the unpleasantness of his abuse with the sex act itself. 

After a while, she finds the act extremely unpleasant, and tries to avoid it if she can. She has developed a sexual aversion.