COPING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC HUSBAND

So Chelsea won the UEFA Champions League Cup. And your husband stayed out all night drinking till dawn. This is not his first time. He is a habitual drinker. He drinks 10 to 16 beers a day but he his is not convinced about his drinking habit. He says only drunkenness is a sin and he believes he hasn’t gotten to that point.

I believe having or gulping ten or sixteen beers a day is alcoholic. But most alcoholics hardly admit that they have a problem and rationalize their behaviour. They usually vehemently refuse the idea that they have a problem. Some resist attempts by friends and family to even discuss the issue or counsel them until some form of crisis emerge. But strangely too, some don’t see anything wrong with themselves even in the face of depression, hangover and other disorders. So what do you do as a wife?

First, you need to understand his denial that he has a problem is a face saving attitude, because many addicts including alcoholics consider doing so as a weakness. You must face this reality or you will become part of the problem and reinforce it.

Was he an alcoholic before you married him? If yes, there must have been a reason why were you attracted to man in the first place. Was it because you had a parent and siblings that were alcoholics and you are now just repeating a pattern? Or you just felt you needed to be loved irrespective of the personality involved? Or did he become a drinker after you got married?

Whatever the reason is, you need to begin by look at yourself and consider your part in the problem.  You can’t change your husband; but you can you. And as you change, he is most likely to change. The average man wants his wife to take care of him, perhaps put up with is attitudes, and in doing this you might as well be his saviour.

Second, you need to apply tough love and confront your husband with reality, with the truth. As a wife, this is the most loving thing you can do to your spouse. This is why tough love is truly tough.

Even if there is no guarantee that this would work, you need to exercise tough love. You need to lovingly explain to your husband that his drinking habit is affecting your relationship, that he needs to see it as a problem and explain why he needs to get help.

Third, seek outside help. Don’t try to tackle the problem alone. Seek a qualified trusted counselor who can guide and help you. This is necessary because your husband is most likely going to refuse to face reality and continue his drinking habits.

If he refuses to get help or begin a recovery program, you may at some point give him stern warning that his habit would affect your relationship. If you don’t take a stand, you would probably head for greater problems ahead.

Fourth, and most important of all, seek God’s help. Ask God every day to help you become the best wife you can be to your husband in everything you do and say. Ask God to help you see what you are contributing to the problem and help you to overcome it. Ask Him to help you to be firm and loving when in conflict and where tough love is needed.       

And pray that your husband see goodness and godliness in you and want the same for himself.