WHO BATHS THE BABY - MOTHER IN-LAW OR NURSING MOTHER?

One of the earliest sources of troubles in many homes is the arrival of the first baby, and here comes the mother in-law or your mother to bath the newborn.

It is a common truth that besides financial issues and poor sexual intimacy, one of the greatest source of problems in marriages, especially that of younger couples is outside interference, mostly of in-laws. And of the in-laws, the mother in-laws hold the greatest influence.

So how do we keep such influences away, reduce them or at best, make them positively work for our marriages?

Is it really possible to keep either couples mother away? When are they expected to come, and how long should they stay?

One very widely accepted time mothers and mother in-laws come live with married couples is when a newborn arrives. Yes, they come to bath the baby until the nursing mother is able and ready to assume that responsibility. And such stays could stretch for weeks. This is usually long enough time for any fault finding mother in-law to make attempts to shape things the way she desires. And many frictions in homes begin this way.

But must either mother of the couple stay with the couple for the role of baby bathing? Can’t nursing mothers take the challenge of learning how to bath and tend their babies before they arrive?

These are some questions we put before some married couples and the recurring issue was the inability of nursing mothers to bath newborns together with the desire of the extended family to share in the joy of childbirth and parenthood.

According to Mrs. Shedrach, a business owner and a mother of 4, “It is good and right for mothers or mother in-laws to come visit and bath newborns.

A woman that newly gives birth is usually not strong at that particular moment, and it is the mother of the woman who can take care of the baby very well. You can’t ask the father of the newborn to bath him.”

She continues, “Usually, it’s the mother of the nursing mother that takes this role; but when a woman’s mother is unavailable, she and her husband can arrange for the husband’s mother to come over”

In Mrs. Shedrach’s opinion, “The nursing mother learns from her own mother by watching the process of bathing the baby to enable her continue the task when ‘Mama’ is gone. We can’t entirely rule out this ‘Granma’ role because it has become a culture. The tradition would continue because it is a thing of joy”

On the issue of probable interference, she says, “It happens only where there is lack of understanding.”  To her, where there is the fear of God, problems would not arise.

For Mr. Lewis, a man in his 40’s, he wouldn’t want mothers or mother in-laws to come spoil the peace in his home. Hear him,

“Let them stay where there are! Let them remain in their own homes. They can come for only for a couple of days and return to their husbands. The entrance of women’s mothers has polluted many hitherto peaceful marriages. If I have my way, I want intruding in-laws to stay away and only come during naming ceremonies or baby dedications.”

Could he be speaking from experience? Is his position strange or valid?

He added, “My wife had been the one bathing all our five children, and if God gives us another one, she would do the same. Thank God she is even now experienced enough.”

On her part, Mrs. Kolade, an educationist and a mother of three, vehemently objects the stance of Mr. Lewis. According her, “It is very necessary, if not compulsory, especially for the firstborn because we have seen incidences where nursing mothers’ negligence and inability to handle such newborns have led to death of infants”. 

She added, “Mothers and mother in-laws have experience and are in the best position to bath newborns. Though other persons such as a nurse could undertake this role, but it’s the joy of the family and grandmothers to see and nurse their own grandchildren. Some grandmothers even travel abroad for this purpose”.

Not yet done, Mrs. Kolade goes on to state emphatically, “For me, I pray to bath my own children’s children. Besides, some mothers wouldn’t stay for too long. Those that are educated usually run back to their own homes and husbands within a short period.

But it is good for a nursing mother to have experience in baby bathing before she delivers her baby. I have seen women who are even afraid of handling their own babies in the first few days because the newborn is fragile. So for me, I totally support mothers and mother in-laws coming to bath newborns.

Whether the issue is with fear of the slippery baby, ignorance, lack of understanding, sheer negligence on the part of nursing mothers, or whether you or the bay like the bath or not, the baby must be bathed. It is therefore advisable that every woman (perhaps dads too) should learn how to make bathing your newborn a safe and enjoyable experience.