What Do Wives Really Want From Their Husbands?

 

Yes, someone said, “wives want quality time, help around the house, leadership, and affection”. But this is rather simple and seemingly too straightforward because of a truth, life tells a very different story. What do women really want from their husbands?

When J. D. Rockefeller was asked “How much money is enough?” his prepared answer was simply, “Just a little more.”

And life, real life has made it expressly clear that this is what wives want from their husbands? “Just a little more!”

Consider this case: A husband without a good paying job yet sold-out to alcohol would have his wife constantly praying and pressing him to change and step up. But through personal determination, threats from the wife and the grace of God, he is able to turn things around.

You would expect the wife to be satisfied. But you are wrong! 

Against all odds, the man secures a fairly well paying job which helps the family to make ends meet and avoid debts. He is his family is able to eat dinner every night. His now regarded in his neighbourhood. 

What next? Now she imagines, “my husband should look better than he does”. Pressed by this, the man changes his wardrobe, hers and the kids too.

And here she goes again, “it would be great and nice if we had more money so the kids could take piano lessons or so we could eat out once in a while”. 

This story is what seems to happen in different ways in so many marriages every day. It is as though, wives repeatedly shift the goal posts and widening the target.

And I ask again, what do wives truly want? “Just a little more!” 

Yes, as a woman you might want to say “I am satisfied with what my husband is genuinely able to achieve”. But are you satisfied too:

•     with time you spend together?

•     with the way he helps around the house

•  with his leadership, and affection he gives to you?

Truly, there is no perfect answer to what wives want from their husbands. And if this is true, shouldn’t we reverse the question and begin to ask, “What do I want FOR my husband?”

•     Wouldn’t you want freedom and wholeness for him?

•     Wouldn’t you want his heart to trust confidently in you?

•     Wouldn’t you want him to lack nothing of value

Be reminded that husbands enter marriage as humans, and, as humans, they bring baggage along too. How can I help him to find peace and wholeness and freedom from his past failures? Yes, this should be a primary concern.

And what do I want for myself? I want him - for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, from this day forward. I want him. And yes, that means I’ll attack anything that has the power to take him away from me. 

Addiction steals spouses, so I’ll confront addiction. Debt robs marriages; I’ll attack debt. Obesity kills; I’ll take on obesity. Neglect damages; I won’t let too many evenings go by with us not getting close. But may the attacks always be leveled against the real enemy - the marriage thieves, not against my husband.

What am I willing to do to get what I want? To get what I want for him…What will I do? 

•     I’ll watch my tongue. It has the power of life and death.

•     I want him to be free and whole. Freedom and wholeness cannot co-exist with bitterness, nagging, and manipulation.

•     I want him to be confident. Confidence is smothered by belittling and slander.

•     I want him to lack nothing of value. I’ll be industrious. I’ll use our resources wisely. I’ll keep my financial expectation in check.

So from now on lets bury the “Just a little more” expectations. And may the question of what wives want from their husbands be silenced eternally.

Adapted from a Marie Wellmond story, MarriageHelper.com

Coping With An Alcholic Husband

 So Chelsea won the UEFA Champions League Cup. And your husband stayed out all night drinking till dawn. This is not his first time. He is a habitual drinker. He drinks 10 to 16 beers a day but he is not convinced about his drinking habit. He says only drunkenness is a sin and he believes he hasn't gotten to that point.

I believe having or gulping ten or sixteen beers a day is alcoholic. But most alcoholics hardly admit that they have a problem and rationalize their behaviour. They usually vehemently refuse the idea that they have a problem. Some resist attempts by friends and family to even discuss the issue or counsel them until some form of crisis emerge. But strangely too, some don't see anything wrong with themselves even in the face of depression, hangovers and other disorders. So what do you do as a wife?

First, you need to understand his denial that he has a problem is a face saving attitude, because many addicts including alcoholics consider doing so as a weakness. You must face this reality or you will become part of the problem and reinforce it.

Was he an alcoholic before you married him? If yes, there must have been a reason why were you attracted to your man in the first place. Was it because you had a parent and siblings that were alcoholics and you are now just repeating a pattern? Or you just felt you needed to be loved irrespective of the personality involved? Or did he become a drinker after you got married?

Whatever the reason is, you need to:

1.         Begin by looking at yourself and consider your part in the problem. You can't change your husband; but you can change you. And as you change, he is most likely to change. The average man wants his wife to take care of him, perhaps put up with his attitudes, and in doing this you might as well be his saviour.

2.         You need to apply tough love and confront your husband with reality, with the truth. As a wife, this is the most loving thing you can do to your spouse. This is why tough love is truly tough.

Even if there is no guarantee that this would work, you need to exercise tough love. You need to lovingly explain to your husband that his drinking habit is affecting your relationship, that he needs to see it as a problem and explain why he needs to get help.

3.         Seek outside help. Don't try to tackle the problem alone. Seek a qualified trusted counselor who can guide and help you. This is necessary because your husband is most likely going to refuse to face reality and continue his drinking habits.

If he refuses to get help or begin a recovery program, you may at some point give him stern warning that his habit would affect your relationship. If you don't take a stand, you would probably head for greater problems ahead.

           

4.         Most important of all, seek God's help. Ask God every day to help you become the best wife you can be to your husband in everything you do and say. Ask God to help you see what you are contributing to the problem and help you to overcome it. Ask Him to help you to be firm and loving when in conflict and where tough love is needed.

    

And pray that your husband see goodness and godliness in you and want the same for himself.