Selflessness: The Key To Successful Marriage

The marriage bond is the highest relationship man and woman can ever experience; and its integrity, security and success can only be guaranteed when the couple is truly love each other and pursue selfless ideals.

It is a common fact that every husband (or man) wants to lead; he wants to be praised, obeyed and respected. But can a husband get all these by just seeking it? 

In marriage, we grow love and receive authority/submission when we care, give and serve our spouse. And doing this gives you greater joy and marital fulfillment in return. 

We need to learn how to give our partners what we know they need. Rather than push them away, give them what they want.

Successful marriages are built on love and selflessness; and it is achievable. The simple way to do this is to firstly accept that God loves you and wants you to enjoy your marriage. God has placed His love inside of you, because without having love, you cannot give love.

Secondly, allow sincere love to genuinely flow through you to your spouse and children. If you do away with selfish desires and become open to your husband or wife, you would not only please your beloved, your home will become sweeter.

Living a life of compromise which leads to fulfillment and sweetness in marriage comes by choice. Put your spouse first and watch your marriage transform. 

Three things you must note include:

Your character and what you give out determines who you are.

Marriage runs smoother on the wheels of compromise. 

You must shed every garment of ego, pride and selfishness.

Someone once said that love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. This is love and compromise at work. 

My Wife Is Too Stubborn…

Your spouse may be stubborn, lazy, rude, aggressive, and uncompromising. She may  perhaps be contrary to your expectations. Do you just send her away? 

Indeed it is your responsibility to build you spouse to become what you desire. It takes compromise, tolerance and patience.

Before you label your partner as a misfit, you need to ask yourself these questions: 

What value have I contributed or added to my wife since we got married? 

How have I assisted her to fulfill her dreams? 

What changes or adjustments have I personally made to make my marriage better? 

What habits do I need to drop to grow my marriage?

As a wife, in spite of your background or the circumstances surrounding the consummation of your marriage, don't condemn your partner. 

Be submissive to your husband.

Honour him. 

Be interested in his business, values, beliefs and spirituality.

Fellowship with him and go to church with him. 

Serve and honour his God. 

Remember that you are not only a wife to him; you are a mother to him, his friend and lover.

Let him know you trust him. 

Don't criticize or question his authority in public. 

Don't insult him.

Don't discourage him or disparage his achievements. 

Praise his efforts (even if they are little). 

Note that, you are his greatest encourager as well as his worst critic. If other people kill his ego and self-esteem, don't help them to bury him.   

How To Build Your Marriage Through Compromise - Give and Take

Building and enjoying a successful marriage is perhaps the most fulfilling thing we could ever achieve. If your marriage is not right, it consumes you and you can become bitter, impatient, frustrated and dissatisfied.

Marriage makes many couples find a new purpose and meaning to life. This is why successful homes are fertile grounds to grow stable children and good springboards to lunch successful career in diverse fields.  

Having a successful marriage involves:

- Compromise

- Giving and expecting no reward in return

- It is a setting where forbearance thrives. 

You must realize that your spouse becomes charming, sweet and special to you if you love and nurture him/her. But if you wait for spouse to be perfect before you truly love him or her, then your marriage would be unsettled.

Don't expect to enjoy your marriage if your sole philosophy is “as you lay your bed, so you lie on it!” Your partner can ruffle things. But you just have to tag along. 

Marriage is an alliance between a man who like to sleep with the lamp on and a woman who likes it off. Perhaps the lamp would be half on and half off!

It is indeed easy to love and be kind to people who love us and are kind to us. However, if someone is a little terse or critical, we become resentful and as critical and unkind as they are. 

But this would not work in marriage. If your partner is pulling the other way, you can turn the situation around by just a little compromise, which is an act of love.

Allowing your spouse to have his or her way is not weakness. Rather, it is love. Marriage is place to give preference to your partners.

- Praise your wife or compliment her new hair style even if you had a bad day at the office. 

- Compliment her cooking even if she forced the wrong meal on you. 

- And, Madam, tell your husband that he is doing great even if times are hard and you wish to scream at him.

Handling Incompatibility Marriage

A popular adage says, “Love is blind”. Yes, this might be true. Love may be blind; but (marital) life isn't! The setting marriage is a place for reality. It comes with complexities and it is filled with tales of the unexpected.  

Note that automatic and inevitable stages of change emerge within the marriage union because when two people come from extremely different backgrounds, there are bound to be compulsory re-adjustments of values, character, and expectations. The ability and willingness to make these adjustments even as the couple remains sweet and loving will determine the success of the marriage.

When couples get married, they necessarily come from two entirely different families. And even though we seek to marry partners we are compatible with, it is very unlikely that you find someone with no differences at all.

Some people get married to those whose stardom, opulence, affluence and or beauty infatuated, yet they do not share the same beliefs and values.  Some are forced to wrongly spouses to cement or sustain family ties, even when the couple not compatible. 

So how would such marriages work; how would they resolve their differences? 

If you perhaps suddenly realize that your spouse is not who (or what) you bargained for, do you just run away or give up? Or do you just fold your arms and conclude that whatever will be, will be? No! 

According to John Fischer, “The success of marriage comes not in finding 'the right' person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married!” This is very crucial.

  

As married person, you must realize that when you focus on your spouse's weaknesses, you would end up weakening your marriage relationship. You must be determined to blend your differences rather than forcing your partner to become like you.

It is important to note that men and women think differently. Women are usually moved by feelings or intuition while men focus on depths of issues. There is therefore bound to be differences in the way husbands and wives act or react to things.

No matter how bad your beginning may be or how incompatible you are, you can turn things around and become successful lovers. Indeed, “What counts in making a marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility” 

Understanding, compromise and acceptance will help you overcome your differences. This can be achieved firstly through communication and sharing information with your spouse. 

What is it that makes your partner tick? 

What loving thing can you do to make your partner react and relate with you positively? 

What are the things your partner will responds to? These could involve:

Spending time together

Helping at home and other personal tasks 

Giving each other gifts

And verbal appreciation  

Another strong way to handle incompatibility is that you must realize that, loving your partner is a choice. You have to develop the will to love your partner and communicate this to them.

Communication enhances change. It opens a person up for correction, education and direction. It enables you to carry your spouse along and get her (or him) to believe in your values and goals. Communicating with your partner will enable you to candidly and honestly resolve issues, which will definitely emerge. 

As a couple, you need to patiently take time to identify such issues or problems, and resolve them promptly.

How Can I Submit To My Husband When I Am Richer And Older?

The marriage institution is founded on love and it is built and sustained by love. And the greatest catalyst or fertilizer of love in the union is submissiveness. Submission is a precursor to marital love. 

Submissiveness draws a wife closer to her husband and helps her to win his love and respect.

A man naturally likes to have dominion, to win. He is an aggrandizer. He is possessive. He enjoys being pampered, flattered and praised. He wants to hear “You are my hero, my king!” And the best place he can find this is from his wife. 

Men truly love and crave for the company of their wives. She naturally reminds him of the comfort of his mother's breast as a child. This is why a man is usually protective of his mother, whose warm embrace protected and comforted him as a child.

As a wife, you can lock your husband in that same embrace and take the place of his mother in his heart, by obeying him, submitting to him, and pampering him. This way, he would do anything for you.

As a woman, when you submit to your husband, you do not lose your personality or position in the plans of God for your marriage. 

A lady once asked, “Can I marry Tom? He is younger. I'm richer. But love him” The simple answer was “Yes”. 

But she must be ready to submit to him; call him master, my oga, my king; wash his clothes; cook his meal and wake up earlier than everybody else to fix things at home! 

Can you as and older and richer woman do all these and more for a younger guy?

You must realize that, as a woman, if you have all the riches and beauty in this world and yet you are not submissive to your husband, you are the poorest, most distasteful and ugliest woman a man can ever have.

If it is true that love is the foundation of marriage, it is equally true that submissiveness is the oil that will keep the lamp of love burning.

12 Successful Celebrity Marriages In Nigeria

It is obviously no longer news neither is there any drama to hear celebrities, especially in the Nigerian movie industry, end up with failed marriages and broken homes. But in spite of the high rate of separation and divorce in the entertainment world, it is cheering to know that fame and affluence is not all divorce and doom with its attendant dramas.

In Nigeria today, there are 12 famous couples from the Nollywood industry who have happy marriages, which many upcoming stars and youths can emulate. Yes, they have also experienced celebrity gossips yet they are still together.

Indeed marriage is a big decision to spend your life with just one person forever. It is certainly not just another script for a movie or some stage drama. It involves sacrifice, compromise and deep commitment in spite of all odds to stick together after saying the words, “I do”!

Here are the happy 12: 

1.         Olu Jacobs and Joke Silva:

Unarguably Nollywood’s oldest power couple. The duo who are proud grandparents have spent over 30 years of their lives together as a couple. Despite going through some rough times together, losing a child and more, they both remain strong and according to them, the fuel keeping their home is God, communication and trust. 

 2.         Sunday Omobolanle and Peju Ogunmola

Sunday Omobolanle aka Papi Luwe, a renowned comic actor, playwright, film director and producer and his wife, Peju Ogunmola, also an actress have been together for over 3 decades and still counting. Though, not many people are aware that Aluwe was a polygamist as actress Peju Ogunmola is the only known face among them. Aluwe’s first wife is the mother of Sunkanmi and she died a long time ago, precisely in the year 2006.

3.         Iretiola and Patrick Doyle

Nollywood actress Ireti Doyle has been married for over 20 years to ace broadcaster, veteran actor and media personality, Patrick Doyle. Despite several rumours about a breakup, the couple chose to stay committed to each other.

4.         Omotola and Captain Ekeinde

Nollywood sweetheart, Omotola has been married to her pilot hubby, Matthew Ekeinde for 20 blissful years and counting. The couple’s marriage is an enviable one and they have over the years managed to be scandal-free. They are blessed with four beautiful children. 

5. Richard and Jumobi Mofe Damijo

Married for 19 years, Ace actor, Richard Mofe Damijo and former Africa Independent Television (AIT) presenter, Jumobi Adegbesan are still waxing strong and remain dedicated to their marriage despite rumours of infidelity. RMD married Jumobi in 2000, after the death of his first wife. They are proud parents of five children.

6.         Tunde and Wunmi Obe

Tunde and Wunmi Obe, aka TWO, have been happily married for over 18 years. They met and began their music career as undergraduates in the 90s. The couple also featured in drama skits for ‘The Charley Boy Show’ aired in the 90s. The veteran musician and dad of 3 revealed he married a woman who supports his plans and also helps to make good decisions for the future.

7.         Omoni and Nnamdi Oboli:

Married for over fifteen years and blessed with three handsome young men, the Obolis undoubtedly have an enviable relationship. They have successfully been able to balance their individual careers, work and family and are just an epitome of a perfect match. The couple who could pass for siblings are very much into each other that they do literally everything together.

8.         Norbert and Gloria Young:

One of Nollywood’s celebrity couples, the Youngs, have been married for over 15 years. They are proud parents of three beautiful kids. Despite several rumours, the couple has stood the test of time and is still going strong.

9.         Ruth and Odunlade Adekola

Ruth & Odunlade Adekola

Nollywood star actor, Odunlade Adekola is happily married to his sweetheart, Ruth. She is a committed Christ Apostolic Church member and the prayer warrior of the family. They have been married now over 15 years and are blessed with four boys.

10.      Mide Martins and Afeez Abiodun

Nollywood diva and daughter of late Funmi Martins, Mide Martins, has been married to her beau, Afeez Abiodun Owo who is also an actor for over 13 years, and their union is blessed with two girls

Razak Olayiwola and Moji Afolayan

11.      Razak Olayiwola and Moji Afolayan

Razak Olayiwola widely referred to as Ojopagogo by fans of Yoruba movies is married to Moji Afolayan, one of the daughters of late Ade Afolayan, Ade Love. The couple met on the job over a decade ago and has since been married.

12.      Emelia and Ramsey Nouah:

Award-winning actor, Ramsey Nouah has been married to Emelia Philips-Nouah for over a decade and they are blessed with three kids.

Culled From PM News

Marriage Without Love...

Marriage without love is immoral! But is love ever enough?

5 Investments Every Married Couple Should Make

 

If you want to grow your finances, the best way is investment and deliberately making plans and taking steps to change your lot. But do we really do the same for our marriages and family?

Do you want to grow your marriage? Here are a few bite-sized things to consider doing as a way to invest in your marriage:

1.         Connect Spiritually 

One of the most beautiful aspects of marriage comes with the opportunity to emotionally and spiritually connect with another human being. Add to that, the gift of Christian marriage that gives us an opportunity to connect, not only with one another, but with a holy and almighty God.

Oftentimes, believing couples tend to take their spiritual connection for granted, forgetting that some of the most intimate moments in marriage are when we’re sharing our hearts, communicating what’s in our spirit, and interacting about our relationship with God.

If you’re looking for a really powerful way of investing in your marriage, consider setting some time aside weekly or even daily to pray together and share about what God is doing in each of your lives.

2.         Communicate Regularly 

Believe it or not, the average married couple spends just minutes a day in active and meaningful communication. It’s also a known fact that communication gets less and less with each year of marriage.

This is saddening, because there is so much joy in being able to communicate with your spouse. 

Each level of conversation is important, and has to be deliberately worked into conversation. If you want to do something small that will have a big impact on your marriage, set aside 10-20 minutes a day sitting face to face with your spouse, for the sole purpose of communicating.

Don’t let this be the time to discuss conflict or problems, but just a time to catch up and keep up with one another. 

What was the best part of your day today? or What’s something I can do to help you out this week? The goal of this time is to enjoy each other and encourage one another. 

3.         Touch Often

Before having children, many couples many couples tag along fine. But what happens afterwards?

Many couples hardly ever have any physical contact with each other. No hand-holding. No snuggling on the couch. No arms around the shoulder.

But fast forward a few years and a few kids later, and I totally understand the struggle of trying to connect physically with your spouse, all while being pulled in a million different directions.

But even during seasons of life when it’s hard to come by, physical touch is such an important part of investing in your marriage. Take inventory of your marriage, and find times (or even schedule times if you have to!) where you can be deliberate about holding hands, kissing often, making love, or even doing something as simple as touching your spouse’s back as you pass them in the kitchen.

Physical touch conveys to your spouse that: I notice you, I desire you, and I want to be near you. Talk about a great investment!

4.         Confess and Forgive Frequently

As much as we talk about confession and forgiveness, I believe we often fail to apply it in the context of our marriages, because let’s be honest, it’s a hard task!

The idea of being vulnerable and sharing your weaknesses and shortcomings with another person can be a really hard pill to swallow…which is precisely why God calls us to do it. The practice of letting down our pride in the act of confession opens the door for the opportunity to forgive, which is the sacred glue that holds marriages together.

The couples who are highly satisfied in marriage, are not the ones who have the least amount of disagreement, but the ones who have the most forgiveness. God has forgiven each one of us of so much, and those who live in that freedom are freed to forgive others.

Invest in your marriage by taking the time to search your heart frequently, being honest with your spouse about the things you are longing to change and the areas you need to ask for forgiveness.

5.         "Get Away" Weekly

They say that couples who “pray together stay together”. But I think it can also be said that couples who play together, have the most fun! Life can get busy, and the stress of it all can make us lose sight of the fact that God wants us to enjoy one another and the life he’s given us.

Invest in your marriage by taking one time a week and setting aside the time to go out (or stay in if you can’t afford a weekly sitter) and do something fun!

Play a board game on the living room floor, go out for a fun dinner, take a hike, pack a picnic lunch, or even go on a scenic drive. 

Rekindle your love for one another, by rekindling your friendship.

Investing in your marriage often means doing small things deliberately that will ultimately have a huge impact. Whether you’ve been married for 5 days, or 50 years, it’s never too early or too late to start making a difference in your marriage.

5 Things You Must Know When Your Spouse Struggles with Depression

1.                  Depression is a whole-body problem. It affects our thoughts, actions, feelings, relationships and even our faith-walk. It can literally take over and distort every aspect of our life.

2.                  People don't ask to get this problem and they can't simply will it away. While treatment of depression is very effective, it often requires individual counseling, couples counseling as well as medications. Most people experience relief when they are willing to aggressively tackle the problem.

3.                  Depression impacts marriages. It steals joy and life. It robs not only the person suffering from it, but their mate, their children, their friends and family. This compounds the problem, creating even more distance, and more abandonment and isolation.

4.                  Depression is treatable. If you are willing to seek treatment through individual, couples and medication intervention, most recover. Communication in marriage improves, helping the individual rise out of their depression.      

5.                  Finally, seeking God's help is critical. He is the ultimate source of our joy and promises to give to us life in abundance. Faith in God often leads to seeking wise counsel in these other areas of our lives. Developing a comprehensive treatment plan includes looking at the way we think, dealing effectively with the concrete problems in our lives, obtaining the support of our family as well as enriching our faith-life.

Finding joy is possible, though this may have been missing in your life for some time. Consider whether or not depression has been a secret part of your relationship struggles and if so, seek help.

Adapted from Dr. David Hawkins