“We are Incompatible…” (Resolving Marriage Issues)

 

A popular adage says, “Love is blind”. Yes, this might be true. Love may be blind; but (marital) life isn't! The marriage setting is a place for reality. It comes with complexities and it is filled with tales of the unexpected.  

Note that automatic and inevitable stages of change emerge within the marriage union because when two people come from extremely different backgrounds, there are bound to be compulsory re-adjustments of values, character, and expectations. The ability and willingness to make these adjustments even as the couple remains sweet and loving will determine the success of the marriage. 

When couples get married, they necessarily come from two entirely different families. And even though we seek to marry partners we are compatible with, it is very unlikely that you find someone with no differences at all. 

Some people get married to those whose stardom, opulence, affluence and or beauty infatuated them, yet they do not share the same beliefs and values.  Some are forced to wrongly marry spouses, to cement or sustain family ties, even when the couple not compatible.

 So how would such marriages work; how would they resolve their differences?

If you perhaps suddenly realize that your spouse is not who (or what) you bargained for, do you just run away or give up? Or do you just fold your arms and conclude that whatever will be, will be? No!

 According to John Fischer, “The success of marriage comes not in finding 'the right' person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married!” This is very crucial.

 As married person, you must realize that when you focus on your spouse's weaknesses, you would end up weakening your marriage relationship. You must be determined to blend your differences rather than forcing your partner to become like you.

 It is important to note that men and women think differently. Women are usually moved by feelings or intuition while men focus on depths of issues. There is therefore bound to be differences in the way husbands and wives act or react to things.

 No matter how bad your beginning may be or how incompatible you are, you can turn things around and become successful lovers. Indeed, “What counts in making a marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility”

 Understanding, compromise and acceptance will help you overcome your differences. This can be achieved firstly through communication and sharing information with your spouse. 

·        What is it that makes your partner tick?

·        What loving thing can you do to make your partner react and relate with you positively? 

What are the things your partner will responds to? These could involve:

·        Spending time together

·        Helping at home and other personal tasks

·        Giving each other gifts

·        And verbal appreciation 

        

Another strong way to handle incompatibility is that you must realize that, loving your partner is a choice. You have to develop the will to love your partner and communicate this to them.

 Communication enhances change. It opens a person up for correction, education and direction. It enables you to carry your spouse along and get her (or him) to believe in your values and goals. 

Communicating with your partner will enable you to candidly and honestly resolve issues, which will definitely emerge.

 As a couple, you need to patiently take time to identify such issues or problems, and resolve them promptly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Wife Is Too Stubborn…

Your spouse may be stubborn, lazy, rude, aggressive, and uncompromising. She may  perhaps be contrary to your expectations. Do you just send her away? 

Indeed it is your responsibility to build you spouse to become what you desire. It takes compromise, tolerance and patience.

Before you label your partner as a misfit, you need to ask yourself these questions: 

What value have I contributed or added to my wife since we got married? 

How have I assisted her to fulfill her dreams? 

What changes or adjustments have I personally made to make my marriage better? 

What habits do I need to drop to grow my marriage?

As a wife, in spite of your background or the circumstances surrounding the consummation of your marriage, don't condemn your partner. 

Be submissive to your husband.

Honour him. 

Be interested in his business, values, beliefs and spirituality.

Fellowship with him and go to church with him. 

Serve and honour his God. 

Remember that you are not only a wife to him; you are a mother to him, his friend and lover.

Let him know you trust him. 

Don't criticize or question his authority in public. 

Don't insult him.

Don't discourage him or disparage his achievements. 

Praise his efforts (even if they are little). 

Note that, you are his greatest encourager as well as his worst critic. If other people kill his ego and self-esteem, don't help them to bury him.