“We are Incompatible…” (Resolving Marriage Issues)

 

A popular adage says, “Love is blind”. Yes, this might be true. Love may be blind; but (marital) life isn't! The marriage setting is a place for reality. It comes with complexities and it is filled with tales of the unexpected.  

Note that automatic and inevitable stages of change emerge within the marriage union because when two people come from extremely different backgrounds, there are bound to be compulsory re-adjustments of values, character, and expectations. The ability and willingness to make these adjustments even as the couple remains sweet and loving will determine the success of the marriage. 

When couples get married, they necessarily come from two entirely different families. And even though we seek to marry partners we are compatible with, it is very unlikely that you find someone with no differences at all. 

Some people get married to those whose stardom, opulence, affluence and or beauty infatuated them, yet they do not share the same beliefs and values.  Some are forced to wrongly marry spouses, to cement or sustain family ties, even when the couple not compatible.

 So how would such marriages work; how would they resolve their differences?

If you perhaps suddenly realize that your spouse is not who (or what) you bargained for, do you just run away or give up? Or do you just fold your arms and conclude that whatever will be, will be? No!

 According to John Fischer, “The success of marriage comes not in finding 'the right' person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married!” This is very crucial.

 As married person, you must realize that when you focus on your spouse's weaknesses, you would end up weakening your marriage relationship. You must be determined to blend your differences rather than forcing your partner to become like you.

 It is important to note that men and women think differently. Women are usually moved by feelings or intuition while men focus on depths of issues. There is therefore bound to be differences in the way husbands and wives act or react to things.

 No matter how bad your beginning may be or how incompatible you are, you can turn things around and become successful lovers. Indeed, “What counts in making a marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility”

 Understanding, compromise and acceptance will help you overcome your differences. This can be achieved firstly through communication and sharing information with your spouse. 

·        What is it that makes your partner tick?

·        What loving thing can you do to make your partner react and relate with you positively? 

What are the things your partner will responds to? These could involve:

·        Spending time together

·        Helping at home and other personal tasks

·        Giving each other gifts

·        And verbal appreciation 

        

Another strong way to handle incompatibility is that you must realize that, loving your partner is a choice. You have to develop the will to love your partner and communicate this to them.

 Communication enhances change. It opens a person up for correction, education and direction. It enables you to carry your spouse along and get her (or him) to believe in your values and goals. 

Communicating with your partner will enable you to candidly and honestly resolve issues, which will definitely emerge.

 As a couple, you need to patiently take time to identify such issues or problems, and resolve them promptly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t Love My Spouse Anymore“

Sometimes, some couples just seem to get to a point where they fall out of love with their partners. But could this really happen? Could we really just wake up and find ourselves “falling out of love” with the person we vowed to love forever?

A lot of couples who fall out of love somehow can’t really tell the particular reasons that cause their feelings for their spouse to wane. But does falling out of love just happen gradually without us knowing?

One of the commonest things that kill love in marriage is when couples wrongly make the tasks of everyday living their priority – instead of nurturing their love for one another.

The Key to Staying in Love:

So how can you cultivate a loving relationship with your spouse that will stand the test of time? What are the steps to building a love that lasts?

Take your focus off of how much you want to be loved by your spouse. 

A common trait among some women is the obsession with longing to feel loved. But this makes a person to become more preoccupied with self-satisfaction than with building a happy relationship. And this surely undermines the health of your marriage.

You may be surprised to learn the secret to loving your spouse also lies in learning to love God sincerely. This is true because when your love for God is genuine, He gives you His supernatural ability to love others selflessly, especially your spouse.

Learning to love God greatly teaches us to love our partners too. For instance, the all-out love which Jesus talks about is the best way to grow intimacy.

He said you are to love God: with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, all your strength. It holds nothing back. And it involves every part of your being--your emotions, your inner self, and your thoughts. This kind of love seeks to grow closer to God and know Him intimately.

That’s how you fall more and more in love with someone--by getting to know them.

Growing more deeply in love with your spouse requires spending time with them. And this calls for more devotion, open communication, romance, sex, selflessness and deeper commitment to make your marriage grow.

Adapted from RhondaStoppe