Have you ever asked your husband a question
or certain questions and he doesn’t respond as you would expect? Do you sometimes
wait for an hour, 1 day or 2 days? Well, there are usually reasons why men fail
to respond to their wives over certain issues. Do you really know why your hubby
isn’t talking?
Here are some:
1. He needs to think first:
When presented with a decision that needs to be made,
some people (male or female) have an instant answer like Google. Some people
have to over analyze every angle. Usually, most people are somewhere in
between.
If your husband is
one of those who need to analyze every angle, you have to be patient. It takes
time. He may be unable to give a quick response as other people do. Be patient
and quit worrying about it. Perhaps that’s how talking is for him. You just
have to cope with him
.
2. He may not like repetitions after already
saying it:
Some men will just
not tell their wives, “I love you”! To such men, it is, “I told her once that I
loved her; if I change my mind, I’ll let her know.”
If your hubby has
answered once, that may be his answer. Even if you desire more affirmation or
you’ve presented him with new information, he may feel that he has answered
sufficiently already and not know why you want him to re-affirm his answer.
3. He doesn’t care:
Do you want to go out for Mexican or Thai? Do you want
a blue or pink gown? He really doesn’t care, and he doesn’t want to exert the
mental effort or take the risk to make even a minor decision. If he cared, he
would choose.
4. He doesn’t know:
Some women think their partners know everything just
because he is the man. You each have areas of expertise. He knows about lights
and bulbs. You know about landscaping. He knows cuisine; you know nutrition.
Attempting to have a conversation where one spouse is the expert and the other
is the amateur takes concerted effort and patience.
If what you want
is to share what you’ve researched, tell him that. “I’ve been researching
home-school curriculum. I’ve found some things I’d like to share with you.”
That is profoundly different from blindsiding him at dinner with, “What
curriculum do you want the kids to use this year?” He’s trying to figure out
why he’s in a conversation where “You already know what you want.”
There can still be
healthy dialog between the expert and amateur, but avoid expecting him to
contribute meaningful content and to be as excited about the organic baby food
conversation as you are.
5. He doesn’t want to disappoint you:
Situations come up in marriages where spouses differ.
He knows what you want; he knows what he wants. Rather than disappoint you or
go against his own beliefs, he silently delays and avoids for hours, days,
weeks…
6. He doesn’t want to start a fight:
He remembers the last time he was drawn into a
conflict. He’s not about to go back there. Rather than risk a clash, he chooses
to stay silent.
7. He’s at peace with silence:
He’s listened to the women at work gossip all day.
He’s been teaching since 8 am. The bidding on the stock floor is exhausting. He
wants his home to be a place of peace—and for him, that is peace and quiet.
8. Relationship Reason:
He’s checking you out
emotionally. Your husband may be distancing himself emotionally from you.
·
He may be
rejecting intimacy due to unforgiveness, callousness, or denial.
· He may be hurt
due to some concern in your relationship or due to some concern outside your
relationship.
·
He feels a need
to protect himself from further hurts, so he’s shutting people with the ability
to hurt him out of his world.
One way he
conducts this shutdown is to avoid making himself vulnerable through talking
about meaningful things with you.
A good first step
to resolving the talking dilemma is to consider why he’s not talking. As a gift
of love, think no evil toward him. Stand in his place and consider why he’s not
talking.
·
Don’t assume that
he wants to inflict torment on you by not speaking.
·
Don’t assume that
he’s unhappy in your marriage.
·
Was he quiet and
deliberate before you married?
·
How long has
talking been an issue?
·
Is there a
problem that he needs time to sort through?
Work on minimizing
your frustration with his silence. Respect his individuality and extend the
grace that we all need to work through our weaknesses.
That does not mean
to resolve yourself to a one-sided marriage devoid of meaningful conversation
and intimacy.
Adapted from Marie Wellmond,
MarriageHelper
