Should My Spouse Come Before My Kids?

 

When many young couples who are deeply in love get married, they never seem to anticipate or plan for how to handle kids when they come. And some kids just show up in the very first nine months into the marriage. We have found women who conceive the very first month after the wedding develop complications that the young couples grapple with just after their honey-moon.

When the kids start coming in a marriage it usually have some impact on the relationship between the couple and their ability to mange this effectively determines how they would sustain the joy in their home.

How does having a baby affect your marriage? Who do you pay more attention or your spouse or your kids?

 

 Married people have to deliberately prioritize their relationships. Before you have children, your spouse obviously is number one. But once children enter the picture, parents often put their kids ahead of their spouses on the priority list.

What do you think is the right thing to do? Should your spouse come before your kids? Or should it be the other way around?

Please share your opinion. Some think kids come first, while others say it’s their spouse all the way! What do you think?

Should Women Give Men Gifts?

Some Abuja residents on Monday expressed divergent views over women’s reluctance to spend on men.

The residents, who spoke, described such action as cultural and appropriate.

Mr Israel Okoye, a civil servant, who resides in Channel 8 Kubwa, said some ladies would not spend on their men “because it is in our culture for men to do the spending’’. 

“For women to start providing for men, it seems inappropriate; there are a number of factors that support this notion. 

“First, tracing it to cultural background, the society actually places men above women and as such, the women feel it is the sole responsibility of a man to provide.

“Another thing is that most women don’t like spending on men because they feel men are already comfortable.

“Looking at it from the social aspect, in any setting or gathering, you will find that most women are always asking men to settle their bills, not because they cannot pay but because that is the norm.

“This is the Nigerian mentality, but outside Nigeria, women get their men’s gifts and they do not feel bad about it.

“However, for me, if a lady is taking me out, paying my bills, house rent and giving me money, I will automatically think that she wants to get involved with me,“ he said.

Mrs Goodness Alafin, a medical practitioner in Apo, alleged that when men shower gifts on their women without receiving anything in return, they (women) may feel that the relationship is one-sided.

“Love should be of mutual benefit to both parties. Both partners ought to receive and give respectively. But when it is one-sided, it could mean that one person is not trying enough for the relationship to work.

“It could also mean that one person is trying to make the other happy or to please him or her to their own detriment. 

“I do not feel that this kind of relationship will go well because the love is one-sided,“ Alafin said.

Miss Blessing Ifeakanwa of Area 10, Garki, said men did not deserve women’s gifts because subsequently, such generosity would be taken for granted and misinterpreted.

“Though, we have women that spend a lot on their men even when the man is not reciprocating; this is common with older women that prefer younger men.

“They just take up every responsibility of the young man, satisfy his entire needs so as to get their own sexual satisfaction from him,“ she said.

Mrs Angela Oluwapamilerin, a business woman at Abuja Shopping Mall, Wuse Zone 2, said her problem with women spending on men is the lack of appreciation on the part of such men.

“Most men, when spent on might forget who did the spending and take pride in the item bought. Sometimes, men do not appreciate the spender (women).

“Again, most men can be hard to please, so spending on them requires a lot of energy to think and some women do not have time for that. 

Some men even have too much and spending on them seems unnecessary,“ Oluwapamilerin said.(NAN)

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Over-Scheduling And Over-Stressing Kids

A lot of couples find it convenient to load their kids with activities to keep them busy so as to free the parents to attend to other necessities of life. But is this the way to go with your kids?

Several studies are expressing a growing concern that after school programs are pressurizing kids to do too much too soon.

These studies point out that when a child's afternoon is filled with classes, trips, sports and other forms of organized activities, kids do not really get the time to be just kids. They are even being deprived of the cherished family time.

Undoubtedly, there are children who are being burdened with a schedule that places too much demand on their time. This leads to increased levels of stress on the child and the family. As regular studies cannot be ignored, children are almost always on the run to achieve more. Such children are really bearing a burden that is too heavy for their frail little shoulders.

In an ideal world, all children would go home directly after school to loving and caring parents who are waiting for the children to come home.

But the social and economic realities show that many children have to attend after school courses because there is no one available at home. For such children, these classes are a boon.

Parents should however restrain themselves from reading too much into these activities. After school programs are complimentary in nature. They give additional support. Therefore, their importance should also be limited. 

Breastfeeding Questions & Answers

Q.        How often should a newborn be nursed?

A.        You should nurse a newborn no less than 8 times a day, depending upon how long he sleeps between feedings at night.  If he can go four hours between feedings, then you will probably feed him twice between 11pm and 7am.  If you feed him right before he goes to bed, then you may only have to get up one time during the night.   

Q.        How often should an older baby be nursed?

A.        Depending upon the age of your child, you should be feeding him every 3-4 hours during the day.  As your child gets older, they will nurse less, but they will be eating more during each nursing.  If you are going to nurse after your child is over 6 months old, you should not nurse less than 5 times a day.  If your milk supply is decreasing, then you may need to add a nursing or two to your day to help increase your milk supply.

Q.        How do I go about dropping a feeding as my baby gets older?

A.        The most common change that moms need to make is going from a every 3 hour to every 4 hour routine, dropping a feeding in the middle of the night, or dropping a late-night feeding. 

Most of the time you will know when your baby is ready to change their eating habits by a change in their sleep patterns.  A baby that has been on an every 3 hour routine normally takes 3 naps a day and if they eat every 3,5 to 4 hours then they may drop the last nap of the nap or shorten one of the other naps considerably.  Babies are usually ready to do this at around 3 months of age. 

Most babies drop the feeding in the middle of night by themselves at around 6-14 weeks old.  You will know that they are ready when you awake in a panic in the morning wondering why your baby did not get you for a feeding.  The baby will require more food during the day though, and if you are breastfeeding, your breasts may feel full for a few days, but it is well worth it! 

The late night feeding is usually the hardest to let go of.  Some parents think that if they do not feed the baby right before bed that the baby will awake in the middle of the night.  If you don’t think your child can do without the late night feeding, then push it back in 15-minute increments until you are feeding him at the time you would like to.  If the last two feedings of the day seem too close together, don’t worry.  It will all work itself out and you both will be much happier for it! 

Why Your Kids Need After School Activities

When children are literally up to their gills with the learning and sport activities in school, it may seem superfluous to enroll them for after school activities. In spite of this, after school programs are sprouting up in large numbers and most of these are booked full. This shows that there is a real need for after school activities.

The unavailability of parental supervision is the leading cause for the surge in after school programs. It is seen that many children spend about 20-25 hours a week unsupervised and alone at home. And as the saying goes, "An idle mind is a devil's workshop".

Children who are left alone to contend with too much free time invariably fall into the wrong company. Drug abuse, alcohol, tobacco and crime come knocking at their doors sooner rather than later.

Parents enroll children to various after school programs to keep them occupied in a productive manner. This way, the kids are free to enjoy themselves in a supervised activity.

Crime is considered to be at its peak during the after school hours, between 3- 4 p.m. During such a time, children need protection. Getting the children together under one roof and encouraging them to participate in a group activity is protection enough. It diverts the children from boredom too.

Obesity is a matter of growing concern in this country. It is noticed that more and more children are becoming couch potatoes. After school, many of them relax on the sofa with packets of chips, cool drinks or chocolates while they watch T.V. 30 % of the kids below the age of 19 are considered overweight, and about 15% of these are obese. An after school program ensures that the child shakes off his lethargy and keeps himself busy. This also helps to reduce the child's fascination for T.V., Internet and computer games.

After school activities that promote social awareness develop the individual's sense of social responsibility. It is seen that these sorts of programs not only keep kids out of trouble, but also help to produce responsible citizens. To that extent, they are valuable building blocks in a child's personality.

Times are changing and parents want their children to excel in academics as well as in other activities. This may be a reflection of the parent's unfulfilled desire to excel - a remnant from his own childhood. Whatever the reason, parents today encourage their children to enroll themselves in various programs and develop the various facets of their individuality. Children too seem to be comfortable learning many things at the same time, and gain satisfaction from this.

Another Housekeeper Bolts With Employer’s N4.6m Jewellery

For allegedly stealing her employer’s jewellery valued at N4.6 million, a 23-year-old housekeeper, Idowu Adeyeye, was on Monday brought before an Abule-Egba Magistrates’ Court, Lagos.

The accused, who lives with her employer at Ijaiye Medium Housing Estate, a suburb of Lagos, is facing a three-count charge of conspiracy, stealing and causing a breach of peace.

The prosecutor, Insp. Racheal Williams told the court that the offences were committed on May 28 at his employer’s residence.

According to her, the accused with others still at large stole jewellery valued at N4.6 million, property of the complainant, Mrs Titilayo Ogundipe.

“The complainant got home from work to discover that the door to her room was opened and all her gold jewellery were missing.

“The housekeeper disappeared after the incident, but was later arrested following a tip-off,’’ Williams said.

The offence, she noted, contravened Sections 166 (d), 278 and 409 of the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2011.

The accused pleaded innocence of the offences.

The Magistrate, Mrs Adenike Shonubi, granted the accused bail in the sum of N2.5 million with two sureties in like sum.

She adjourned the case to June 15 for trial. (NAN)

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